


A New Way

by SecondFromTheRight



Series: Insecurities [2]
Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Gen, The Willow and Tara relationship is seriously minor for now sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-13 11:53:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11184570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecondFromTheRight/pseuds/SecondFromTheRight
Summary: Sequel to Insecurities.With reassured confidence in their relationship, Buffy seeks a way that will allow her and Angel to be together.“This could be everything you’ve ever wanted, Buffy. You and Angel?” Willow said.Buffy took a deep breath. Everything she’d ever wanted. She breathed back out again.“Okay, let’s go break the news to Giles.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to go the multi-chapter sequel route with this. It was getting so long and I was getting antsy to post at least some of it. I don't know how long it will be at this point. I'm guessing 3 or 4 chapters. I'll put a number to it as soon as I know.
> 
> This will completely diverge away from canon, never to meet again. It takes place in a non-specific time. Early AtS Season 2, I would say, but I'm taking major liberties.  
> Darla hasn't been brought back, mostly cuz I don't think I could handle that much plot lol. So no drama between the Angel team. And a very different type of Angel inner turmoil.

Willow reminded Buffy that more than anyone, she had been her greatest champion amongst her friends. The best friend offering near unconditional trust and support, always eager to help and to encourage. The only hesitation she’d had was to ask “Are you sure, Buffy?”, then her eyes got all wide and she started chattering about incantations and whether traditional runes would work better before she ran off to find Tara for second opinion. Buffy didn’t realise how much of a relief it would be until she’d seen her best friend smile excitedly at her. No disapproving, silent stares, no bluntly listing all the bad Angel had been. Just support. Hope. It allowed Buffy to start hoping too, the possibilities this could bring. They didn’t tell Xander. She knew she’d have to tell Giles – that there would be no way around being on the end of that quiet judgement as he turned away to wipe at his glasses, but not yet. She didn’t tell Angel either. She felt most guilty about that last one, but they were so early in the research Buffy thought this made most sense. She didn’t know if they’d get anywhere, or even if Angel had looked into it before. What she did know is he’d tell her not to, that it was too dangerous and this was his just lot in life, punishment for his past. She wasn’t interested in that conversation. If they found something, she’d let him make the actual choice of whether to do it or not. Really thinking about what choice he might make was another potential she wasn’t allowing herself to think about yet. Everything between them since they’d last seen each other after Faith had turned up in LA and he’d followed back, had been pretty good. As good as it could be with them still apart. They’d kept in touch, at least. And though she still wondered what if often, her thoughts weren’t littered with insecurity like they had been before. But the nitty gritty, the potential realities of what Willow was looking into for her was something she had blocked as much as she could, until she knew what was actually possible. It seemed like that was now. 

“Buffy!” Willow declared as she burst into the room, out of breath and looking awkward. “Buffy! That…thing? I think I found it! I think I found the thing!” she looked back and forth between Buffy and Riley, then away swallowing. 

“Are you sure?” Buffy asked her, not even waiting to get rid of Riley.

“I think so. I mean, as sure as I can be. I need to double check something, but well, I think I need to check that with…Giles.” She looked a little worried at that, waiting for direction from Buffy.

“Working on something big, Willow?” Riley’s voice interrupted. Showing polite interest to his best friend; good, wholesome boyfriend as always.

“Oh, uh, biggest. Maybe! I mean, you know me, always working on the big, heh.” She rambled, trying to laugh it off, looking incredibly uncomfortable. “Buffy?” she looked to her for help.

Buffy felt stunned. This was it. Could be it. She just had to make a move. Move, Buffy, move she told herself, trying to dislodge her distracted mind.

“Riley, do you mind if we take a raincheck for today? I need to be around for this.” She asked him. She thought about how this moment might be the last of their relationship, of them as a relationship. She wasn’t sure what she felt about that. It depended what was possible on the other side.

“Sure. I’ll see you later.” He kissed her cheek and headed for the door. “Good luck on your…thing, Willow.” He told her best friend with an amused smile. Attentive as always, good as always, easy to lie to as always.

“Heh heh, thanks!” Willow squeaked and as serious as everything was, Buffy smiled at her friend’s obvious nervousness.

“You’re getting really good at the undercover stuff, Will.”

“I’m sorry Buffy. The lying – it just eats at me!”

“S’okay, Will. I know it’s tough for you and I really appreciate it.” She assured her. “So uhm, you think you have it?” she risked.

“Yes.”

“But you want to check with Giles.”

“Yes.”

“Because you don’t think it will work or because you want a teacher’s approval?”

“Both? Well, no. The second one, I think.”

“What does Tara think?”

“She thinks we’ve figured it out too! And I’ll definitely need her power, but we’re just – I’m just – Buffy, this is big magic you know. And what if I get it wrong? What if I do something that makes it worse?”

“How could you do something that makes it worse?”

“Because Buffy, to do the spell, it means removing Angel’s soul first.” She told her apologetically.

“Oh.”

“We don’t have to be physically around him when we do it! And it shouldn’t be for long. He may not even awake up during. But I just…”

“Just?”

“I’m worried I’ll put it back wrong.”

“Wrong?”

Willow sat on Buffy’s bed next to her and paused, seeming to take a moment to decide how to approach this. “The point of the spell, that we’ve focused on, is the permanent part of it. So Angel can keep his soul, permanently. But I’m just a little concerned that the permanent part will go a little scary and the result will be permanent, whatever it is.”

“So it’s like a one chance kind of dealio?” Buffy asked, trying to understand.

“Kind of, yeah. Potentially, at least.”

“And you think Giles can answer that before you do the spell?”

“I’m hoping. I’m sorry Buffy, I know you haven’t wanted to tell him.”

“No, it’s okay, Will. I always knew I needed to tell him when we found something anyway.”

“Are you going to tell Angel?”

“I need to.”

“Who are you gonna tell first?”

Buffy thought about it. “Giles. It’s actually less scary to tell him” Buffy huffed a little. “And…I think he’ll feel better if he’s consulted before Angel is, and if Giles okays it, I think it could help convince Angel. You know, the guilt factor.” She paused and turned to her friend. “Does that make me selfish?”

“No, Buffy! And even if it did, you’re allowed a little selfishness! And so is Angel.”

“I’m not sure Giles will see it that way. Or Angel.”

“You’ll convince them, Buffy. And I’m with you, 100%.” Willow reassured her.

“Thanks, Will. So much.”

“I’m the best friend! The Wiccan best friend! It’s my job.” Buffy smiled at her friend. “And uh, as the best friend, can I ask: Riley?”

“That one is definitely selfish of me.” Willow smiled at her sympathetically. “I’ll end it before I go to LA. I just hope,” Buffy looked down. “I just hope it’s not for nothing.”

“This could be everything you’ve ever wanted, Buffy. You and Angel?” Willow said.

Buffy took a deep breath. Everything she’d ever wanted. She breathed back out again.

“Okay, let’s go break the news to Giles.”

 

\-----

Silent judgement, glasses wiped, tea stirred, distant and thoughtful frowns, turning his back and wandering around; the whole Watcher Giles nine yards had been on full display. Buffy held her breath most of the time, tried to show Giles how much she wanted this, how much she knew was at risk, that she was taking it seriously, that it was a grown up move, not a naïve act of a hopeless girl in love. Buffy thought she might be both.

“And uh, what does Angel think about this?” he asked her, like she knew he would.

“He doesn’t know yet. This was my decision.”

“Buffy,” she really wasn’t sure what Giles face was right now. Pride he knew first? Disappointment Buffy was making decisions for other people? She got in there first before she could really find out.

“I’m going to tell him. It will be his choice. I know that’s the only thing that’s right, Giles. But he wasn’t ever going to do this. He’s okay to stay in limbo, because he thinks he doesn’t deserve this. But this is what I want too. And I thought I should tell you first.” She really hoped she was scoring points here. She couldn’t live with Giles forever disappointed in her, and she didn’t know if Willow could even do the spell without his opinion.

“And you think you’ve found it?” he turned his attention to Willow who had sat silently on the couch, trying to give some semblance of privacy whilst still paying attention to every moment in the room.

“Pretty sure. I’d like you to look at it, see what you think. But Tara and I are ready to do this, Giles. I think it’s the right thing to do.” Buffy loved her best friend dearly for her support.

“Yes, well. Do you have the texts with you?” Giles asked the witch.

“I do!” Willow jumped up excitedly with her bag, ready to work.

Buffy tried to pay attention as they went back and forth between the texts and theories and Giles double checking things and Willow nodding animatedly, but it wasn’t her gig. She couldn’t offer anything to the cause and so she just kept out of their way. She’d have to tell Angel soon. Tonight, most likely. Tomorrow? No, she wanted to do it as soon as possible. If this spell was it, there was no point in delaying it longer. Either she’d get everything she ever wanted, or Angel wouldn’t choose her and a future together. She needed to know. She couldn’t just go through life letting it happen to her anymore. It wasn’t fair, not to her or anybody else around her. None of her loved ones got the best version of her, and being with Riley when she always knew it was a choice she hadn’t totally made wasn’t fair to him. He was a good person. He’d loved her. He deserved to find his own happily ever after and as much as she enjoyed being around him, she’d always known she wasn’t it, and he definitely wasn’t her happily ever after either. But she didn’t think she could show up to LA still being Riley Finn’s girlfriend. She had to make a commitment, even if she didn’t know the outcome.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't write the actual Buffy and Riley break up, just Buffy's thoughts about it. I didn't really want to focus on Riley too much as a character outwith how Buffy feels about him in regards to the bigger picture of her life, so I sort of cheated and skipped the actual scene of it. I think it flows okay without it, but if others disagree feel free to say, because I am unsure about the lack of it.

She’d gotten on a bus to LA less than an hour after breaking up with Riley. It hadn’t been that messy, but she did have experience of some serious tragedy in her love life as comparison, so maybe by normal standards it was a difficult break up. Having to tell your boyfriend you were dumping him for a centuries old vampire who had previously pounded on his face wasn’t the easiest thing in the world, she supposed. 

He’d protested at first, but when she mentioned Angel, trying to be as honest as she could without rubbing it in, he got a little angry. He didn’t understand, but she knew he never had. He’d called Angel “a demon.” She’d let him think as he liked – she knew he was never going to get it – settling for telling him simply that she wanted to be with Angel, and that she was sorry for hurting him. He’d left in the good-natured way Riley Finn did most things, quiet and non-confrontational. Buffy had felt relief, and guilt, and then more guilt at the realisation that that relief and guilt combination was the most intense emotion she’d ever felt in response to her relationship with Riley. She had tried, so hard, to give it a chance. For a while she had blocked out pretty much everything else in her life, forcing herself to be the girlfriend of Riley Finn. She had found a better balance lately, her friends, slaying and Riley, but it still wasn’t enough. She just didn’t have it in her to love him that much. She couldn’t; Angel had so much of her that she wasn’t capable of giving it to anybody else. Now Buffy stood at the Hyperion, hoping for a new start.

She and Angel weren’t really in significant contact, but enough to keep up. They had made a point not to cut things off entirely, to try to make the effort to still be available to each other, to keep something of their relationship. They didn’t share too much, though she often wanted to. But they kept the line open at least. She also knew Cordelia kept Willow up to date with some stuff. Giles was maybe even in touch with Wesley for all she knew. It would have made sense. But though she’d known the new address and the reason behind the move, she wasn’t quite expecting this. Angel had said old hotel, but she’d been thinking boutique hotel or something – this place was massive. 

One deep breath and here goes nothing. Or here goes everything. Oh god.

Opening the door she quickly noticed that the interior was as grand as the outside. Angel loved big and dramatic foyer rooms, it seemed. She saw people standing at the front desk on the other side of the room. Could hear them bickering and completely failing to notice her. Cordelia, Wesley and a black man she didn’t know. Gunn, she wondered, by what Angel had told her. Unless he was a client, but he seemed pretty comfortable with her old Sunnydale friends. She couldn’t see Angel anywhere though.

“Stop touching that!” cried her old watcher. 

“Then don’t just leave it sitting around! God!” That’d be Cordelia. Buffy had been used to Wesley and Cordelia interactions being awkward flirting and some even more awkward mooning. Arguing was new, but not exactly unwelcome over their weird courting in Sunnydale.

“Would you both shut up? You’re grinding into my head here.” Said the stranger Buffy didn’t know.

“Hey, you’re supposed to be on my side!” tried the ex-cheerleader.

“Excuse me? We men are supposed to stand together!”

Buffy decided to interrupt at this moment. “Wes, I swear if you say ‘bros before hoes’ I may have to slay you.” All three of them turned at her voice.

“Oh don’t tell me there’s some new apocalypse in Sunnydale!” Cordelia was the first one to greet her, if it could be counted as greeting.

“Nice to see you too, Cordy. And no, no apocalypse.”

“Oh, sorry. I just figured, you know. I like your hair.” She told her and Buffy stared at her as she seemingly sincerely complimented her.

“Thanks. Yours looks good too.” she replied a little unsure of a nice Cordelia.

“Buffy, how are you?” Wesley asked, British manners at the ready.

“Pretty good, thanks, Wes. How’s things with you guys?”

“Quite well. Very productive. If someone could keep their polished mitts off my ancient texts,” he accused glaring at Cordelia, “they’d be even more so.”

“Mitts?! You’re more dramatic than I am!” Cordelia shot right back.

“Now that’s –“

“I’m Gunn. Hey.” The other man interrupted Wesley’s returning squabbling. Gunn looked her up at and down, checking her out with a charming smile on his face. “And you are…?”

“Buffy.” Angel suddenly stood off to the side at a door Buffy hadn’t noticed. One that maybe went to a cellar or something.

“Angel.” She replied, loyal to their ritual greeting.

“I take it back.” She heard Cordelia say “They are way more dramatic than the three of us could ever be.” 

Buffy smiled and Angel chuckled in turn, breaking off the eye contact. It helped ease the tension. Thank you, Cordelia Chase, Buffy thought as she and Angel both made their way over to each other.

“Is everything okay in Sunnydale?” he asked her.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I just uhm…well I need to talk to you about something.” That was it. The official first line of the start of a potential whole new life. 

“Sure. Do you want to talk in the office?” he gestured towards a room behind the desk. Buffy had visions of them trying to talk whilst Wes and Cordy continued arguing and Gunn played referee, or the three of them with their heads poking over the counter of the desk and trying to eavesdrop.

“Actually, do you have somewhere else a little more…away? This could take a while. There should be comfy seats. Maybe some water.”

He looked curious. “My room’s upstairs.”

She nodded and went to follow him.

“No boning! I like my job and don’t want to have to kill you.” Cordelia told their backs.

“Cordelia.” Angel warned without turning around.

“Hey, I’m just saying.” The seer excused herself, completely unapologetic.

Buffy wanted to have a go at her, but really, all she could think about was the fact that they could actually be ‘boning’ soon. And it wouldn’t result in anyone having to kill anyone – or losing their jobs. She could feel all three employees staring at her and Angel as they made their way up the stairs. She knew Angel could feel it too but he never reacted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next part should be up today too. I just had to split a part that felt too much as one.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very dialogue-heavy.

“What’s wrong?” he asked her once they were settled in his room. He’d closed the door behind them and sat down in a chair of a seating area in the corner.

“Why do you think something’s wrong? Maybe something’s right? Nobody ever thinks of that option, you know.” She answered defensively.

“Buffy,” he just looked at her. Oh the rambling had started. She deflated and sat in the seat across from him, doing everything she could to avoid looking at his bed nearby, ‘boning’ still in her mind. 

“Sorry.” She said quietly. She looked down at her hands in her lap. God, she was really here. Would they still be here in a minute, maybes still possible?

“Just talk to me.” He said to her and his phrase brought back when he’d last been in Sunnydale, when he’d reassured her, listened to her, been patient with her. Remembering how safe and loved she’d been with him – how wanted – emboldened her. 

“Willow found a way to anchor your soul.” She admitted. She watched him, his face stilling, his body tensing, but he didn’t say anything. She carried on “I don’t know if it’s something you’ve looked into already and I know you’ll say it’s dangerous and you don’t deserve it and I’m not even saying you have to be with me even if we do – if you do – choose to do this, but Angel, this is right.”

“How sure is she?” was the first thing he said. She felt the need to be very careful. Her future, his future, their entire future together could rely on right now.

“Very. Giles has seconded it.”

“Giles is okay with this?”

“Yep.” Well, mostly okay, but okay enough to help and to accept her decision, so yes, he was okay with it.

“What does it involve?”

“I’m not really sure. Spells and details aren’t really my thing – slay gal. I know they’ll have to…remove your soul first, though.” She told him anxiously.

“Do you mind if I have Wes take a look at it? I’d like his opinion.”

“Sure!” Buffy was taking any win at this rate. He wasn’t rejecting it, was wanting his team to check it out, those were good signs, right? “Wesley – he definitely has changed, huh? Last time I saw Wesley and Cordelia they were more flirty, at…at prom.”

“I hadn’t thought about that for a while.”

“About prom?” His eyes turned to her sharply.

“No, I think about your prom more than I should, but it pretty much consists of just you. The rest of the picture tends to blur away.”

“Oh.”

“He’s a good man. I respect him a lot. A hell of a lot more than I ever thought I could when he was in Sunnydale.” He chuckled.

“So he’s a good one on the team to have? I know you’ve said he’s been handy, but I didn’t really know much about what’s been going on.”

“He’s very knowledge. Watcher education, I suppose, but I connect personally more than I thought I would have. And he’s...brave.” He informed her, his eyes thoughtful.

“Brave? Wesley ‘New Watcher’ Wyndam-Price?”

“Yes. Faith tortured him, Buffy. And yet he turned against the Council to help her, to help me. He hasn’t let it turn him to hate. And he’s fought with me here.” Buffy thought Wesley might be better than her in some sense if he could forgive Faith, or at least accept her. She certainly hadn’t been able to just handle it like the most adult grown up ever. And Angel’s mention of torture made her think of what he’d done to Giles when he’d lost his soul. Giles held it against Angel, against her, for a long time. She was pretty sure he still did.

“Go Wes.” She replied, unsure how much to say. This wasn’t really what she’d come to talk about, how brilliant the people Angel surrounded himself with now that he wasn’t with her.

“And he… There was an incident, Angelus was sort of released for a while.” Buffy felt her entire body still, become heavy, her blood drain from her face. He’d…he’d lost his soul? To who? How did he get it back? Someone else made him happy? Was he with her?

“There was this actress,” she heard him start, but she couldn’t, she couldn’t do this. She never should have come, she never should have looked into anchoring his soul. Oh god. He’d done it, he’d moved on. 

“Buffy,” he was suddenly in front of her, his hand over hers. She could see him in front of her but couldn’t fully connect. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop.”

“You were with someone else?” she heard her own voice, but she didn’t really mean to talk.

“No.”

“But you just said –”

His hands fully took hers in his. “I didn’t lose my soul. And I didn’t sleep with anyone. She was a client who had this stupid idea of becoming a vampire, of being young and beautiful forever. Since her attempts to hit on me didn’t work,” he paused here, a slight upturn of his mouth like he was trying to lighten things. Images of an awkward Angel running away from sexually aggressive actresses. She needed to hear everything. She didn’t understand. How could Angelus make an appearance if he didn’t lose his soul? And how could it have happened without sex? “She decided to drug me.” He continued.

“She drugged you?!” she asked outraged someone would dare do that to him. She heard him chuckle softlt. “What’s so funny?” she demanded with a scowl and a pout.

“You’ve gone from jealous and uncertain to protective and sure in a matter of seconds.” She just continued scowling at him. He brought her hands to his mouth, kissing the back of each one after the other. She noticed the glint of his Claddagh as his hands moved around hers. He still wore it. Heart pointing inwards. “She wanted to relax me so she could convince me to turn her, but it was something that simulated happiness, in a way. I didn’t lose my soul. I’m not really sure what I was exactly, but I wasn’t…me. I tried to kill her.”

“Wasn’t your fault.” She defended him quickly. He nodded at her but didn’t agree vocally.

“Anyway,” he looked down at their hands, back in her lap now. “Wesley really stepped up. Cordelia too. I wasn’t very nice to them, obviously. But afterwards – they had chained me after I was knocked out, and it had worn off when I woke up – Wesley didn’t hold it against me. It meant a lot. He was trained as a watcher, knowing who and what I’ve been. And he didn’t know me in Sunnydale like Cordelia did, not really. But he’s trusted me, seems to have confidence in me.” He looked into her eyes for a moment, taking account of her face, it seemed. “No one has really believed in me that way, except you.”

“Are you trying to tell me you don’t want to keep your soul and be with me because you have a great life here?” she asked him bluntly. It wasn’t all she felt. She was happy he had these people around him, that he’d made something for himself here, that he had friends. He deserved it and she knew he hadn’t found in that in Sunnydale with the Scoobies not really being Team Angel, but she couldn’t get past the idea that he didn’t want to be with her because he’d moved past her.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I can’t just leave LA completely, Buffy. I have responsibilities here. And I’m starting to believe I can make a difference here.”

“You can. You do.” she quickly reassured him, wanting him to know she was proud of him. He quirked his mouth up before continuing.

“I want to look at the spell. I want Wesley to look at the spell. And we need to talk, about us, before we get back together – if we get back together. And then we can decide how to work it out.”

“If.” she quoted him. She hated that 'if'. 

“Hey, I just wanna be sure. I’m not going anywhere. And I’m not saying no. But we can take some time, okay? I need – I need to be sure this is what’s best for you.”

“You’re making decisions for me again?” she asked grumpily. Hadn’t they gone over this? Did he still not trust her as anything but a school girl in love?

“No. I just need you to be sure. We just need to talk, Buffy, that’s all. Is that so bad?” he said with his small smile.

“No, I guess not.” she surrendered with a definite pout. It wasn’t the reaction that her wildest dreams were made of, but it wasn’t no either. He wanted her to prove she knew what she wanted, fine. “So how does the mature plan go exactly?” she saw him still in place, his jaw tighten and then he stepped away from her as he blinked his thoughts away. She wasn’t sure what had just happened, what she'd said or done. “What? I thought that’s what you were trying to get me to agree to?” He turned and just stared at her with more intensity than she imagined. “Angel?”

“I love you.” He told her devotedly. She still had no clue what had happened, why he had reacted the way he had.

“I love you too.” She told him automatically. It didn’t even matter what he was thinking – this part never changed. “Are you okay?” she asked him. 

“Yeah,” he answered quietly, with a soft smile touching his lips as he watched her. “I’m okay.” He swallowed and seemed to change track. Whatever had happened, whatever he had been thinking and whatever had made him react the way he had, seemed to have been shut down. Still cryptic as always, even with how open he’d been. She wasn’t complaining though – it was Angel. “You don’t have to fight for me, Buffy. I’m already yours.”

“I’m fighting for us.” She corrected. “I want you to fight for us too.” She was being as honest as she could be. It mattered enough to give as much as she could.

“Riley?” he dodged her intention.

“We’re not together anymore. I broke up with him.”

“When?” he asked after a moment. He always had to get to the root of it, damn him.

“Earlier today.” She told her lap, ashamed. Here she was saying she wanted to fight for them but she’d still had another boyfriend up until a few hours ago. 

“I’m not judging you, Buffy. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I hurt you. And I used Riley.”

“You’re allowed to make mistakes, Buffy. It’s part of figuring out what you want. You don’t have to feel bad for what I feel over your relationship with Riley.”

“I just didn’t...” she trailed off before trying again, keeping eye contact with him now. “We had been looking for a way to fix the curse for a while, pretty much since you were in last in Sunnydale.” She watched him react to that, could see him thinking of exactly what she was saying – that since their last moment together, she had decided this is what she had wanted. “But I didn’t know if we’d find anything. And I knew you wouldn’t change your mind about us without it. The normal relationship for Buffy thing matters to you, I didn’t want you to use me not trying as an excuse to not give us another chance.”

“You’ve always wanted a normal life, a normal boyfriend.”

“No I haven’t. And I’ve tried it now. Normal without you. I wasn’t happy, Angel. Riley’s a good guy. And he was the total regular Joe: college guy, polite and sweet and made time for my friends and tried to be my partner. And he was probably as suited to me as any normal guy could be. He knew about vampires and demons and I didn’t have to hide my slaying and he was stronger than average. Those are things I need. It’s stupid not to – I am still the slayer. But with Riley… It wasn’t – it wasn’t enough. It didn’t feel right.”

“But maybe with someone else – “

“Why aren’t you listening to me?” she asked him exasperated, hurt that he wouldn’t trust her to actually know what she wanted. She continued on when he didn’t say anything. “Angel, you don’t get it. Yes, normal sounds good. But it’s normal Buffy and Angel. That’s the part that matters, not the normal part. It’s never been normal with any faceless person, it was always only you. The only sun and picnics I dream about are with you. I wanted _us_ to be normal, so it wouldn’t be so hard with us and we could just be together without all the crazy. You’re the decider, not the normal stuff. And I’m never going to be normal. I need someone who understands that and can actually be my partner in that – I need you. Please.” She pleaded with him. Part of her felt pathetic for it, but most of her knew he was trying to protect her and all that mattered was that she actually get through to him. They would never get anywhere if she couldn’t convince him of this.

“There’s something I need to tell you.” He told her after a moment.

“Good something or bad something?”

“I think it’s a good something.”

“What will I think?”

“I hope you’ll think good something too.” He replied without missing a beat.

“What is it?” 

“I found…this…scroll, recently. Turns out it has the telling of some prophecies. About me.” Prophecies weren’t somethings good in her experience, but she didn’t say anything. “Wesley translated it. And – Buffy, I don’t want you to hinge anything on this. We don’t know when it will happen, or even if. It might not be in your lifetime.”

“What is it?” Angel was getting as close to rambling as he ever got. It unsettled her.

“It says that, after numerous battles and fights, if I survive, I’ll become human.”

“What?” she gasped. Human? Human Angel? “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.” He smiled a full smile at her. She could see how much this meant to him, his whole face relaxed. “It’s some kind of reward, I guess. Or, will be, if I earn it. And Buffy, we really don’t know when it will happen. It might not be something we get to experience together.”

She shoved herself out of her seat and kissed him. A connection of their lips, just one full, deep kiss. His arms came around her body and held her. They broke apart and stood in each other’s spaces. She brought her hand to his chest and placed it over his heart, imagining it beating. The lack of beats really had never bothered her. She had appreciated the stillness of it, it seemed. She hadn’t realised until Riley, when sometimes his heart was so loud in her ear, unnerving her, overwhelming her. Something about the quiet of Angel’s was reassuring, though she knew there was something pretty backwards about her thinking on it – but it was what she felt. But Angel’s heart beating? Something told her it would be a whole different thing.

When she tilted her head back up to him he was looking at her intensely again. He took in a shuttered breath and stared down at her. 

“Fight for us?” she asked him. 

He brushed some of the hair away from her face, curling it around her ear. 

“Let me look at the spell. Then we’ll figure something out.”

“Damn, I totally thought I had you there for a minute.” She sulked playfully, her lips curling up to show she was teasing. He laughed. A laugh from deep in his throat.

“You very nearly did.” He kissed her forehead.


	4. Chapter 4

“You’re staying tonight?” he asked her.

“If that’s okay.”

“Course it is. Do you want your own room or…?”

“Are you offering yours?”

“Yes.”

“It comes with you, right?”

“It does.” He gave a small smile.

“Yours is good then.” She smiled back at him. He seemed pretty open to her, to them. He wasn’t shutting down or rejecting her outright. He wasn’t even putting major room between them, or a literal one. It was all of the good. She wrapped her arms around him, settling herself against his chest.

“Are you hungry? The others are probably going to be ordering something in soon.”

“No, I’m okay. If I could take a shower though? I feel a little yughh after travelling.” she gave a body shrug, showing she was uncomfortable, feeling the day on her skin.

“Sure,” he tightened his arms around her before fully releasing her. “There’s towels in the bathroom.” He gestured towards the en suite.

“Do you have something I could wear? I didn’t really…think about practicalities like clothing when I left Sunnydale.” She said feeling silly. What exactly had she been thinking she’d do? Oh right, she hadn’t really thought much at all.

“Uh, sure,” she watched him head over to his wardrobe. He took out what looked like a white t-shirt and some black sweats, turning back to her and handing them to her. She flashed back to her seventeenth birthday, when they’d escaped The Judge, Spike and Drusilla and ended up in his apartment, soaking from the rain. She’d needed some clothes of his then too, though she’d never actually gotten a chance to wear them. She knew he was thinking about it too because she could see his hands tightly gripping the clothes he was holding out for her, his body tense. She reached up on her tip toes, stroking his cheek before kissing him softly. She didn’t want to rewrite their entire history. And that night, for how much guilt she'd felt, part of her still treasured it so much. It hadn’t just been perfect for him, it had been for her as well – he’d made sure of it. When she pulled away from his lips, his eyes were closed. She sank down flat on her feet again.

“Can I wear this?” she tugged at the sweater he was wearing, her arm overlapping his that was holding the t-shirt and sweats. He looked down at her hand grasping the material, his eyes narrowed in what looked like amused suspicion. “I’ll be cold.” She argued cheerfully. She didn’t want a depressing mood between them. 

“I’ll leave it for you with the other items.” he gave her that doting smile she used to witness often back in Sunnydale, especially early in their relationship.

“Thanks. Uhm, I don’t suppose you have a hairdryer in here?” she chanced knowing it was unlikely.

“I’ll ask Cordelia if she has one here.” His fond smile still in place. “I’m pretty sure she does.”

“Do the others live here too?”

“No, just me, but they clean up here after work some nights. Easier. I’m sure I’ve heard what sounds like a hairdryer.”

“A whole hotel to yourself?”

“You’re surprised I like my space?” he asked with a smirk.

“Nope. Definitely not.”

“I’ll order something for you with the others. You can eat it later if you get hungry – there isn’t too much human food in the kitchen. Any preferences?”

“Don’t think so. Something you think I’ll like is fine.” She headed for the en suite. She turned around and pointed at him “Sweater.” She reminded him. She watched as then and there he grabbed the hem of his sweater in both hands and pulled it up, revealing his abdomen, and hauling it off over his head easily, leaving his hair ever so slightly dishevelled.

“Happy?” he stood there topless, smirking at her. He walked towards her, gearing off to a chair they were at earlier. He placed the sweater, t-shirt and sweats down over the back the chair. It had been a long time since he’d been any kind of naked in front of her. Longer since she could actually give attention to it. She took quick steps towards him, bracing herself on his chest and kissing where his heart lay.

“Hopefully perfectly happy, very soon.” She told him. His skin was so smooth, his muscles so solid.

He stared down at her, eyes almost black.

“Go shower.” He near growled at her, his voice was that deep. She could see he was holding his body still. The teasing, the obvious want he had for her, all it made her feel light. Playful. It didn’t feel like it was just something she had to forever avoid and could never have. She felt free. Knowing it was a real possibility soon seemed to have allowed her to take a step without having to go all in. She’d always assumed that she and Angel would fall under the tension so easily, that if they slipped just a little they would slip all the way, but right now she felt able to navigate the situation without taking it too far and risking them and their possible future. It meant too much not to.

“Don’t forget the hairdryer!” she ordered before closing the bathroom door with a giggle.

\-----

She came out of Angel’s en suite bathroom, smelling like Angel shower products – she used to wonder if the conditioner he had in the mansion was for her on nights she’d use the shower after a messy patrol, but turns out it was all his. The discovery had made her giggle. She saw a hairdryer sitting on the chair with the clothes he’d left earlier. She hadn’t heard him leave or re-enter the room while she was in the shower, but she knew how silent he was if he wanted to be, so it wasn’t that surprising. She brushed her fingers through her wet hair, hanging it over her shoulder whilst she had a look around his room. She wasn’t going to snoop, but she was curious about his space. She didn’t recognise much from his old apartment, or the mansion. She dried her hair using Cordelia's hairdryer then slipped into the clothes. The sweats were predictably huge and she had to tie them at the waist as tight as possible, folding the bottom of them a couple times, grateful they were cuffed at least. She could get away with just his sweater for how big it was on her, but she was joining everybody downstairs and she didn’t want to make a fool of herself, or purposely shove herself into their space and take over. Angel said he couldn’t just leave LA, these people were going to remain in his life. She had to find good ground with them. She wanted a better relationship with Angel’s friends than he had had with hers.  
Pulling the sweater on top of the t-shirt – it was actually pretty cold, she pulled her hair back over her shoulder, trying to curb some of the fluffiness. There wasn’t a mirror – Angel’s living spaces never had a mirror – but she figured she was as good as she was going to get. No make up and in massively oversized clothes that were darker than the majority of her entire wardrobe was how she was going to have to present herself. She hugged the sweater, dipping her chin into the edge of the large v-neck opening, smelling Angel. She was really here.

\-----

The others were still hovered around the desk when she walked down the stairs to the lobby. It was as if they hadn’t moved since she got there, except for the piles of food all over the counter. Cordelia and Gunn were laughing about something while Angel and Wes seemed in discussion off to the side. Buffy figured it was probably about her. Well, about the spell. The spell she had brought news of, so totally her. Angel’s eyes flicked up to her as she approached, smiling at her, but he didn’t stop the conversation with Wesley. She made her way over to Cordelia and Gunn. If she could get Cordelia on side, she knew things would be a lot easier.

“Hey! Oooh, food!” she exclaimed looking over the eats on offer. “Wow you guys order a lot.”

“You can blame them for that,” Cordelia told her. “Gunn never stops eating and Angel pretty much ordered the entire menu hoping for at least one thing you actually wanted.”

“Oh, sorry.” She cringed a little.

“I’m taking the noodles home.” The ex-cheerleader said, leaving no room for argument.

“Deal.” Buffy agreed.

“So you’re the big man’s ex?” Gunn acknowledged her. Buffy scrunched her nose up at that. It wasn’t exactly what she wanted to be known as.

“Buffy.” She corrected with a nod and in a chipper, simple tone, hoping for cute instead of difficult. “And you’re Gunn?”

“Two N’s.” he told her with a straight face.

“Two N’s” she repeated, just as seriously. “Can I get in on some of this?” gesturing to the food.

“Knock yourself out.” Gunn replied.

“Hey, thanks for your hairdryer, Cordy. Where should I put it back?”

“Oh let Angel deal with it. I’m surprised he doesn’t use it in secret, honestly. Have you seen the volume he has going on? 

Buffy laughed. She hadn’t realised but she’d actually missed Cordelia. Her lack of tact whilst in combination to the fact that she clearly cared about Angel and was on his side was nice. She’d still been a bit of a question mark in reliability back in Sunnydale, but she seemed to want to be here, part of this family they seemed to have made.

“So what’s happening back in the Dale? Everything still boring?” her old friends-of-sorts asked.

“As boring as a hellmouth can be.” she supplied in response.

“Right.” She said with understanding sympathy, like it was such a chore, but one somehow everybody had to deal with. Like the horror of a bad hair day or something.

“Hellmouth?” Gunn asked them, his mouth slightly full.

“The self-explanatory definition: a mouth of hell. Sunnydale is basically built on one.” Buffy answered.

“Serious? Legit mouth of hell?”

“In our high school library!” Cordelia added excitedly. “We used to do research over it. And eat lunch!”

“Damn.” He replied looking bewildered. It was funny to see regular responses to the idea of a hellmouth. She’d gotten so used to it, the sheer ridiculousness of it blunted away after each near big bad activity.

“Hey, where are you guys doing the Scooby thing now anyway?” Cordelia asked her.

“Giles bought the magic job.” Buffy informed her.

“Oh wait, I knew that! Willow told me. And you still don’t have a watcher?”

“Nope. I don’t think I need one. Giles still does all the research stuff. I was never really a Council kind of slayer anyway.”

“Well that’s true.” Cordy said before taking a sip of her drink. She looked over briefly at Wesley before turning back to Buffy, her voice quieter now. “Don’t tell him because I’m so mad at him right now, but firing Wesley is one of the best things you ever did. He fits in here, as wrong as he so often is.”

Buffy smiled at her old frenemy. “Yeah, Angel said he’d become pretty awesome?”

“Well that might be exaggerating, but he’s alright.” Cordelia responded with that odd combination of dramatic and casualness that only Cordelia could.

“Cordelia?” Buffy decided to take the chance now. The night was playing well so far, hopefully she could make it last.

“Uh huh?” she mumbled, her attention on her food.

“Are you okay with me being here? I mean, has Angel spoken to you guys?”

“Not really.”

Buffy paused. “To which question? Me being here or Angel having spoken to you?”

“The latter. I mean, we got the gist. A chance to bind his soul? That’s the plan, right?”

“Yeah.” She confirmed.

“Seems like a duh to me. Why wouldn’t you do it? No more Angelus? Less guilt and brooding for Angel? Win win.”

“And Angel and me?” she risked.

Cordelia stopped eating, wiping her hands of crumbs as she turned to Buffy. 

“Am I going to lose my job?” Cordelia questioned her.

“No. Angel doesn’t want to give up LA. Not completely, anyway. Whatever we work out will be an LA and Sunnydale thing, I think.”

“Buffy,” she started, “You and Angel love each other. Seriously, any idiot knows that. If you can actually be together without the world ending and taking us all with it? Then why wouldn’t you be together?” she told her like it was so obvious.

“Thank you.” Buffy told her, fully feeling grateful.

“For what? Not reacting like Xander?”

“Well, yeah, actually.” She replied a little uncomfortably. Xander was her friend, she didn’t want to badmouth him, but Cordelia was right.

“Xander Harris is a boy. I know he’s your friend – and hey, even I was convinced by the good parts of his personality for a while, but it’s all his own issues, Buffy. He doesn’t know Angel. He’s never wanted to. And frankly, it’s none of his damn business. Let him sulk like the man-child he can be.”

“I’ll tell him you were asking for him then?” Buffy joked.

“Pft!”

“Thanks, Cordelia. I’m glad he has you guys.”

“Duh.” She said cheerily, the beaming smile of hers, teeth on display, before she looked Buffy up and down with a more serious look. “Do you want to borrow something to wear? You’re looking a little miniature in that get-up.”

“No I’m okay.” Buffy smiled. “I kinda like it.” She said shyly.

“Whatever gets you going.” Then she paused and looked at her again with some authority. “Well, not yet, anyway. Whatever gets you going soon – as soon as it’s guaranteed we won’t all be murdered.”

“Working on it.” Buffy told her, looking over to Angel. His eyes were already on her. Oh, he’d probably heard every word. She blushed and worried her lip. She’d need to get used to that again. He probably heard her heart picking up too. 

“Are you eating, Wes?” she interrupted them, trying to get Angel to join them and change the subject at the same time.

“Oh, Buffy. Hello.” Her ex watcher looked over at her, seemingly completely oblivious she’d even been there. “Angel was telling me about your plans. Do you mind if I telephone Mr. Giles tomorrow? I thought we might compare notes.”

“Nope. Go for it. You should maybe talk to Willow too? It’s her project, really. She’s leading, and will be the one actually doing it.”

“Yes. I shall. Thank you.” She watched his eyes turn to the food on the counter, the seriousness dropping off his face. “Cordy? Did you save me some spring rolls?” he asked in a near whiny voice.

Cordelia grabbed the container next to her and offered it without even saying anything.

“Oh! Thank you. I do love these little things.” Buffy smiled at Wesley as he took the container from Cordelia, simple joy shinning from him. He did have a certain charm to him, one she had never noticed in Sunnydale. She couldn’t quite say she’d seen Brave Wesley yet though. Maybe she would while she was still here.

She felt Angel coming up behind her, wrapping his arm around her waist, settling it on her hip and pulling her back towards him.

“Hi.” She smiled at him over her shoulder.

“Hi.” He replied in kind. She offered him some of her own spring roll she'd been nibbling on, holding it out for him. He looked down at it unsure, eyes flicking to her face and back to the roll. He took a bite with a confused frown on his face that just got deeper as he chewed. It eased as he swallowed.

“No?” she asked his opinion on the food.

He leaned over and kissed her lips quickly, licking his lips after he pulled back. “Maybe” he declared.

“That’ll take some getting used to.” She heard Gunn say. When she turned towards him he was staring at her and Angel, slightly wide-eyed.

“The Buffy and Angel show? Oh, you have no idea. This is nothing.” Cordelia added to the conversation.

“He gets cuddlier?” Gunn asked as if he was offended at the possibility.

“So young.” Cordelia judged him, sighing as if he was something tragic.

“He gets cuter, if that’s what you’re asking.” Buffy added. She felt Angel turn towards her at her side. He was staring at her seriously when she faced him. “What?” she asked innocently. “You do!” She turned back to Gunn. “Ever had him read poetry to you, Gunn? What about ice skating? He has the best –“

“That’s it.” Angel announced, cutting her off. Before she could say anything else Angel had grabbed her in his arms. She squealed as he hauled her over his shoulder.

“But I haven’t finished my dinner!” she laughed as he made his way past his employees, them all looking at her and Angel.

“Tough.” He told her. “We’re going to bed. Night everyone. Wrap up the leftovers and put them in the fridge! We’ll see you in the morning.” He added to the others.

“But I didn’t even get to tell him about your nightly visits with my stuffed pig!” she joked loudly, making sure the others could hear what she said.

“Buffy!” she giggled at his outcry as he made his way up the stairs, carrying her the whole way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will pick up right where this left off, really. It's not a break I'm entirely happy with because such an obviously publicly playful Angel is unusual and the following part does tone that down/address that, but it was the place that seemed the best option for a break.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another B/A dialogue heavy chapter. I hope the lack of real plot is okay with people.

“I missed you.” She told him as he gently let go of her, placing her down on his bed.

“I missed you too. Even if you are trying to torture me.” He accused her teasingly.

“They clearly respect the hell out of you, Angel. I don’t think talk of Mr. Gordo is going to change that.”

“You think so?” he asked her quietly.

“That they respect you? Angel – you must realise what you’ve created here. It’s…you have your own Scoobies. And you’re the leader…who is the leader of the Scooby Gang? Fred? You’re Fred! No, wait, that’s maybe not right...” she trailed off, Scooby Doo episodes running through her mind.

“We sort of all just came together. I don’t know if it’s the same as you and your friends.” Angel told her, blanking her Scooby characters ramblings. 

“So did we though. There’s as much friendship down there as there is back in Sunnydale, I can tell that in the 30 minutes I’ve spent with them. Especially in our first year together as a group!”

“I do feel a sense of…comfortableness, with them.”

“I can tell!” he looked at her curiously, seemingly wanting her to elaborate. “Angel you just carried me upstairs like a caveman vampire. In front of people. People that you know. I don’t really think that’s something you would have done back in Sunnydale.”

He looked sheepish now, like he was thinking about what he’d actually done and he wasn’t sure what to do with it. She wanted to smile, he looked rather adorable, so conflicted about something like PDA’s, but she didn’t want to discourage him.

“Sorry.” He told her, his brow lowered.

“So not looking for an apology,” she reassured. “I like fun you. I like you letting yourself relax a little. Don’t downplay it, Angel. You’ve found something great. All of you.”

“And you’re okay with that? That I have something here, outside of Sunnydale?”

“Yes! I mean as long as you don’t forget me,” she said with a mocking command. “I may need some reminders, now and again, that you’re thinking of me, you know.” She smiled teasingly at him. “But I don’t want to pull you away from here. I want to share our lives, Angel, not take you away from yours.”

“I missed you.” He told her.

“We already said that.” She gave him a full and bright smile.

“I’m saying it again.”

“Okay. I can live with that.” she grinned now. “Are we really going to bed?”

“Aren’t you tired?”

“Pretty sleepy, yeah. A bit buzzed too though.”

“I know the feeling.” 

“Who would I be?” she asked after a moment of quiet.

“Hm?” he murmured at her.

“Which Scooby would I be? Velma would be Willow. She wears orange and super smart and she’s gay, right? Xander’s Scooby, or Shaggy, or both. Makes others laughs, often we can’t totally understand him, he brings the snacks. Am I Daphne? She does have good shoes.”

“I thought the monsters weren’t real in that show.” he said with a frown.

“They’re not. It’s all masks and tricks and stuff.” she told him. He nodded like it was important information he was taking in.

\-----

“Off.” She demanded, pulling at his tank as they lay down together.

“Are you going to order me out of all my tops while you’re here?” he asked her.

“Can I?” she replied cheekily.

“Buffy,”

“I’ll behave.” She assured him, before he could start being super sensible man. “I’m not trying to… I just want…to feel you. Promise.”

“Mmm, much better.” She told him as she settled against his naked chest. Still and silent. It calmed her. He was cool too. Not cold, but soothing. Like a cool balm. It was another thing she’d found herself uncomfortable with with Riley. He was too hot and she felt suffocated by it sometimes.

“You should call home tomorrow, first thing. Check in, at least.” He told her, his mouth near her ear.

“I will. I’ll be check in Buffy.” She felt him press a kiss against her hair, he pulled her tighter against him. “Love you.” She spoke against his chest, her cheek pressed against his skin.

“I love you too. Sleep.” He answered her. She knew that despite still feeling adrenaline running through her, she’d sleep easy and peaceful tonight, in his arms.

\-----

When Buffy woke she was no longer draped over Angel’s chest, but curled up by his side, her head against his upper arm. Opening her eyes, she found him watching her. “You have a Buffy watching habit.” she told him sleepily, stretching her neck.

“Not really a new revelation.” he replied.

“…point taken.” And he did have a point. Whether Angel or Angelus, his soul or his demon, he had a long-standing tendency of watching Buffy sleep. She used to assume it was a protective thing, then a possessive thing when he’d lost his soul, but looking at him now, she wondered if it was something else. He seemed to read her thoughts, his eyes trailing over her.

“I was just appreciating how lucky I am to wake up with you another morning.” He said it with much more seriousness than Buffy thought it was due, but it was Angel; seriousness was standard fair, so she didn’t think it was something to focus on too much, instead just smiling back at him. She felt lucky to wake up with him too.

“It’s really morning already?” she asked him.

“It’s really morning already.” He confirmed. “You slept right through. I think maybe you needed it.” 

Stretching further she shifted to lean half on the pillows and half on Angel. She noticed there was a book on the bed next to Angel, and a shirt of his strewn over the sheets. “You got up?” she guessed.

“Not for long. I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to try to get a start on some research on Willow’s findings.”

“You’ve talked to her?” she asked him.

“Not yet. I told Wesley to wait until you call home.”

“Angel, you didn’t have to do that.” He looked at her skeptically. “Well, maybe for Giles, _maybe_. But Willow’s okay with you, Angel.”

“No rush, remember? We do it right. That includes being careful with your friends.”

“Is this you saying yes?”

“Conditionally, for now.” She’d accept that, also for now.

“So what’s the plan for the day then?” she changed subject direction. 

“When do you need to head back to Sunnydale?”

“Uh, tomorrow probably. I have class early Monday morning I really shouldn’t miss.” She told him, sad at the thought of going back to the reality of her life where he wasn’t.

“Call home. We’ll talk to Willow, Wesley with Giles. We’ll see if you can corroborate or contradict anything on this side.”

“Will you know what you’re looking for? I mean, do you understand all that stuff?” she asked him.

“I should be able to, if it’s Romanian or Latin, or a few others. I understand the theories of magics, the parameters, even if I can’t connect with it. Wesley will be giving his take too.”

“Sooo, research day.” She concluded. He nodded in response. “Ugh, I’m gonna need something to wear.” He shifted his eyes away from her. “What?” she asked.

“I…may have washed your clothes.” He said with some reluctance.

“You washed my clothes?” she echoed a little amazed.

“I thought you might want them. Shouldn’t I have? Is that weird?” he looked pretty uncomfortable, like he was trying to navigate a tricky chess game or something, except not because Buffy was pretty sure Angel was a very skilled chess player.

“No, it’s…sweet and thoughtful and proactive, so of course you washed my clothes.” 

“That seems like an insult.” His eyes narrowed in thought.

“It’s not.” She smiled reassured at him, stroking a hand down his arm. “I just wasn’t expecting it. I’ve never thought about you doing laundry before. It’s so…non-Angel in my head. It’s kind of…normal.” Buffy wondered if maybe she should have used a different word. ‘Normal’ had way too many associations for them, pretty much all of them bad. But Angel surprised her, again.

“Well, get used to it.” He said seriously, and then raised his eyebrows suggestively and she burst out laughing, making him grin happily at her, teeth on full display.

“Are you promising me a future of freshly washed laundry?” she asked him.

“Hopefully among other things.” He told her, still with a warm smile but more earnest now. She couldn’t help but kiss him. It wasn’t picnics in the sun, but she really wasn’t complaining about the domestic happiness possibilities that laundry suggested.

“Buffy?” he stared down at her, looking like he had something difficult to tell her, but there was too much joy still on his face, she wasn’t worried.

“Hm mm?”

“I get a lot of things dry-cleaned.” He confessed. And with that she was in giggles again. She was still smiling an hour later as she dressed, her clothes clean and soft and smelling of Angel’s detergent and fabric softener.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to address the playful Angel thing. In each chapter I've tried to have an I Will Remember You moment, sometimes more than one, that is pushing Angel to really be open to a future together. This will be a Buffy POV fic all the way through, I won't be doing an Angel POV, but I've tried to show that a lot of Angel's mindset is being influenced by these I Will Remember You signposting moments, really, and the potential of how close he could get to that life with Buffy, through security of a permanent soul.  
> I guess this is turning into the idea of where Angel could end up in terms of behaviour, if he was surrounded by the love and support of Buffy and the AI Team and a possible happy future, as opposed to spiraling downwards with the Darla plot, where his focus is so black and white, right and wrong, good and evil and he's consumed by his guilt and perceived failure and he desperately clings to the idea of a win to solve it all.
> 
> So yeah, I hope Angel's mindset and what's behind it is coming across in the writing.  
> I also hope it's enjoyable!


	6. Chapter 6

Buffy had been on the phone catching up with Willow for 5 minutes when her best friend exclaimed “Oh my god, Buffy!”

“What?” she asked, starting panicking about a realm of possibilities: being wrong about the spell, demons banging down the door, Xander and Anya talking way too much about their sex life, Spike’s chip stopping working.

“You’ve been there one night and you’re so happy!” Willow gushed and Buffy could picture her friend beaming.

“How can you tell?” Buffy said sarcastically.

“Angel’s a little, uhm, less happy, right? I mean you and he haven’t…”

“No. We’re in control. Or he’s in control. I’m not sure how he does it, Will. Sometimes I just look at him, or he smiles at me and I don’t think I could be any happier.”

“Awww.”

“Thanks, Will. That’s helpful.” She said with a smile.

“Sorry, it’s just…you know I’ve always rooted for you guys – you’re like a story for ages! And I get to be a part of it! I mean, not _a part of it _a part it, but on the sidelines helping a part of it!”__

____

__

“Real life fairy god…witch?”

“Yes! That’s me! Oh!”

“I’m glad you’re rooting for us. Everything here is kind of great – you should see them here, Will, they’re their own family. And not a judgement in sight. I mean, except for Cordelia kind of judgement, but even she’s been great.”

“You’re worried about coming back home?”

“It’s kinda like vacation here. A mini break and it’s fun and I can relax and dream…and I need to come home to reality.”

“Have you spoken to you mom?”

“Really, really not. See what I mean?” Buffy sighed over the phone. “How’s Giles? Have you told Xander?” Buffy asked.

“Giles is fine. I think maybe, if nothing else, the Watcher part of him knows that making sure Angelus can’t be unleashed again is the smart, safe thing to do.”

“And Xander?”

“I haven’t seen him. I’ve mostly been with Tara, honestly. I think he and Anya had a date thing this weekend anyway.” Buffy could practically hear Willow rolling her eyes before going back to supportive best friend mode. “You’ll figure it out Buffy. It’ll be okay.” 

“I hope so. Angel hasn’t even totally said yes to doing the spell yet.”

“You’re coming home tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I’m hoping maybe I can convince Angel to come with me.”

“If anybody could, it’ll be you.” Willow reassured her.

\-----

“So you’re part of a street group that takes on vamps?” she was sitting next to Gunn in the circled seating in the lobby. She’d been curious about how he and his friends worked since Angel had told her about first meeting Gunn. The only human demon fighters she had experience of was The Initiative, and she didn’t get the impression Gunn’s group would be anything like them.

“Yeah, my crew. I’m here now a lot too though. Trying to split my time between the two gigs.” He had what looked like a homemade axe across his lap. Buffy was well versed in weapons, from old and traditional to having to make do with nail files in a pinch, but she’d never had to make one.

“Angel said you guys have mad skills.”

Gunn stopped cleaning the homemade weapon in his hands and looked at her. “He said ‘mad skills’?”

“Uh, no. I believe his wording was ‘sophisticated defence…something’?”

“Good. You can barely get away with ‘mad skills’. Angel? No.” he shuddered just thinking about it.

“Why can’t I say it?” she huffed. “I wasn’t always small-town girl you know.”

“You only get away with it because you’re small and cute.” He told her looking her up and down.

“Stop flirting with my girlfriend.” Angel told him seriously as he appeared out of nowhere, striding past them without even raising his head from the book he was reading.

Buffy warmed, her body tingling. He’d said girlfriend. He was thinking of them officially again.

“Damn you two are smitten.” She turned at Gunn’s comment, looking at her with some amusement.

“I am the smitten kitten.” She confirmed.

“It’s surreal to watch.” Gunn told her, looking towards Angel and Wesley back at the front desk that they’d covered with books, a work station of sorts set-up. “Definitely not used to seeing him all loved up.”

Buffy didn’t voice how happy she was to hear that. She switched subjects again instead, glad everything seemed to be going so well. Buffy had passed the phone to Angel after she and Willow had talked. What followed was books, books and more books. Angel and Wesley had pretty much shut themselves off, burrowing into a corner of the lobby and hunkering down. She’d watched Wesley actually sit on the floor with a magnifying glass, switching from book to book also on the floor in front of him for about 2 minutes before she’d she decided she really needed to distract herself. 

“Are you meeting up with your group today?” she asked Gunn.

“Yeah, thinkin’ about it. It’s been a while.” He looked up at the others again “And I’m not much use here. No info to hit the streets up for or anything on this one.”

“Mind if I join you?”

“Yeah?” he appraised her.

“Yeah,” she ensured. “I’m like you, not much use here. I’m the slayer, I slay. Like point and shoot. Point me towards the bad demon and I’ll shoot it…or stake it…or behead it, sometimes, depending on what it actually is.”

“You’re more than that, Buffy.” Angel was suddenly in front of them again. The fact that he kept catching her by surprise showed how much she really did need to get out, maybe even get a fight in, ground herself. She felt a bit jittery.

“I know. But dead languages and magic, Angel? I can’t really help there. I’d rather get a patrol or something in. I thought Gunn could take me to meet his group.”

Angel’s eyes slid from her to Gunn and back again. “Yeah, okay. I’m sure they’ll appreciate seeing a demonstration from a slayer.”

“Lookin’ forward to it myself!” Gunn added a bit too suggestively, his eyebrows raised.

Angel moved the inch further into Gunn’s space and just looked at him. Stone cold serious, intimidating, deadpan Angel face, the slightest tilt of his head, that he kept directed at Gunn for at least 5 seconds before Gunn gave in and jumped up “Oh-kay, we’ll get going now.” He headed for the door. Buffy snickered.

“Be nice, honey.” She told him. He just grunted back at her.

“Be careful.” He cautioned “and call if you need anything, either of you.” He leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to her lips.

“I will. Good luck with the books.” She turned to follow back but stopped and turned, realising she wanted to ask about the progress. “Is everything looking…good?” she nudged her head in the direction of Wesley and the book-littered desk.

“It is.” She knew that was all she was getting from him for now. She hoped it meant he just didn’t want to get ahead of himself and not that he was keeping back new concerns he was finding.

She stepped back and kissed him again, stretching up to plant a quick peck. “Back in a couple hours.” She told him and made her away out of the Hyperion to catch up with Gunn. 

\-----

They hadn’t been walking for very long when Gunn started asking questions. She figured they’d be coming and she didn’t mind. So many people in her life made a point not to say anything about her relationship with Angel, having someone just ask was kind of refreshing.

“So you think you’ll two will get the happily ever after thing then?” was his opener.

“Happily ever after? We’re a slayer and a 245 year old vampire. I don’t think happily ever after is on offer. But god I’d settle for some good years with the guy I love, not having to worry that I’ll be responsible for destroying him. Again.”

“Heavy shit.” Gunn commented, making her snort.

“I can’t do it again. I can’t kill him again, not for my friends, not for the world. I think I’d let him kill me. Best case scenario maybe die with him.” Buffy swallowed at her confession. She didn’t really know where it had come from. She appreciated being with a stranger to her but someone who knew Angel. Wesley and Cordelia knew her, had expectations of her. She still had a role to fulfill with them. She didn’t have that with Gun. And he didn’t have any judgement about Angel and the fact he was a vampire. He had no lectures or personal attacks.

“You told him that?” was all he said.

“No,” she admitted. “But it’s not like I don’t know he plans to end his own life, by himself or you guys, if ever the situation comes up again.”

“I guess you’re not so different.”

“I’m really, really hoping we won’t have to deal with either scenario.”

“They seem like they have a handle on the books today. Doesn’t seem to be going badly.” He said. 

“Yeah.”

“And your friend – she can really do the spell?”

“She’s getting pretty powerful. Plus, restoring Angel’s soul was the first spell she ever did. I think she’s excited about revisiting it.” Buffy smiled at the thought of her red-headed friend on the phone earlier.

“Oh yeah? I don’t really know too much about Angel being evil. He doesn’t really talk about it. Or you.” She could feel him look at her from the corner of his eyes with that last comment, seeing if it affected her.

“If Wes and Cordy are anything like my friends, it’s kind of a subject matter no one likes to bring up. Like if they don’t mention it, we can all ignore it and Angel and I will just somehow forget or something.”

“Out of sight, out of mind?”

“Something like that.”

“They not a fan of him? Your friends?” he clarified.

“That’d be a big, fat no.” then she felt bad. “Well, it depends. Willow – that’s my wiccan friend doing the spell – she’s pretty supportive. And I’d say she and Angel get along. My friend Xander is not so on board. He and Angel…” she trailed off, making a noise of discomfort. “And my watcher? Well, my ex watcher, really; he’s not actually supposed to be working for me, but I refuse to work for the council now so Giles is still my watcher as much as anybody ever will. He’s more like a father, really, anyway. He and Angel’s history is…complicated.” She didn’t want to reveal too much that Angel wouldn’t want his friend to know. “When he lost his soul, Angel did some things that Giles still has trouble forgiving, or disconnecting Angel from soulless Angel.”

“And here I thought he was the complicated one between you guys?”

“Oh it so goes both ways.” Buffy laughed. “I’m really glad he has you, Wesley and Cordelia. You’re his friends in a way mine in Sunnydale never really were. He’s relaxed here. It’s nice.”

"Relaxed? That's Angel relaxed?" Buffy smiled at Gunn's comment but decided not to divulge exactly how broody Angel could get, or how terrible he could be when he was truly relaxed.

“So, given that it’s day and all, I assume vampires isn’t in the schedule, so where are we going?” she asked him instead.

“A friend of ours homes a shelter. Me and mine help out there sometimes, especially on weekends.”

“Oh, okay. That’s nice of you guys.”

“She’s good people. She takes in street kids like we used to be, like I used to be. I can help.” Gunn hadn't revealed too much about himself, but she hadn't pushed for it either. She had just met him, afterall.

“It’s been a while since it’s happened but I remember it being nice to help someone without it being a supernatural thing.”

“Exactly.”

\-----

“Annie!” Buffy stood in shock as Lilly, the girl she’d met in the summer she’d ran away to LA after she’d sent Angel to hell, smiled brightly and hugged Gunn. She saw Lilly’s eyes widened as she realised she was there.

“Buffy?!” she looked around her, realising her mistake. “I mean, Anne.”

“Buffy’s fine.” Buffy smiled at her, wanting to hug her too. She looked great. The downtrodden and lonely girl she’d met had disappeared. She looked healthy and confident. She’d noticed Gunn call her ‘Annie’, so she must still be going by Buffy’s middle name. Buffy made sure not to blow any kind of secrets the girl may have had. She’d let her lead.

“What are you doing here?” she asked Buffy before she turned to Gunn who stood witnessing the whole thing looking confused. “You do know each other?” Anne asked looking between them.

“She’s Angel’s girl. How do you know each other?” he queried.

“I’ll let…Anne,” Buffy smiled openly as she made a point to put emphasis on the name, but not too much to draw suspicion. She wanted Anne to realise she’d back her, and that she was open to whatever Anne wanted to tell Gunn. She didn’t think Gunn would question too much anyway. She imagined he’d known many people who had pasts they weren’t interested in shouting about to the world.

“We uh, we met each other a few years ago. It was before I really got myself together. Buffy…helped me.” Anne revealed.

“Of the slay variety.” Buffy chanced, hoping it would help clear up who knew what and how far each could go with revealing things.

“She knows?”  
“He knows?” both of them asked at the same time and Buffy couldn’t help at laugh as they both looked at each other as they talked over the other, looking unsure.

“That I’m the slayer? Yes. Both she and he and way too many others know.” She confirmed.

Gunn was looking down at the ground with a thoughtful frown on his face, seemingly trying to figure out where to slot in what into his understanding of information, of where they each all fit into each other’s lives. She knew how he felt.

“Have you met Angel?” Buffy asked Anne, wondering if she was also friends with the others of Angel’s Investigations.

“No,” she faced Gunn then, giving him her attention. “Just been told about him, and uh, Wesley and Cordelia?” she looked for confirmation, Gunn nodded back.

“They’re all from Sunnydale.” Buffy told her. She hoped she wasn’t giving too much of a history Anne didn’t want Gunn to know, but she also really wanted to open communication if there wasn’t actually anything holding them back.

“Oh my god. Really? That’s so weird. God, what a small world.” Anne looked a little dazed. Gunn didn’t pick up on Anne having been to Sunnydale. Buffy figured either Gunn felt he shouldn’t ask, or he’d ask Anne later in private. Instead he asked Anne if some names Buffy didn't recognise were inside and the three of them headed in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always loved that Anne was in Angel, and was always bummed that the Buffy connection was never fully made.


	7. Chapter 7

Anne had shown her around the place as Gunn had been with members of his crew and checking in with some of the kids, and Buffy was so impressed by what she saw. Not only had Anne really found herself, but she’d worked so hard to help others find themselves too. She was here for these kids, to help give them a chance like she’d needed, and she was giving everything for it. They’d been sitting with coffee for a while now as Anne told her how she’d gotten from Lilly to the Anne she was today.

“You should come back with us, have dinner or something.” Buffy told Anne as Gunn had joined them again, chuckling with a teenager he had been hanging with. She wanted to extend her time with Anne. She wasn’t exactly sure why, it was the complete opposite feeling than she’d had the two previous times Anne had appeared in her life, wanting to get as far away the situation as possible. Maybe that was exactly why.

“Oh, uh,” Anne looked at Gunn and Buffy realised she’d just put her foot in it and way overstepped. Anne had clearly said earlier that she hadn’t met the rest of Angel Investigations yet and obviously if she ever was going to, it would be through Gunn, not her.

“Sorry. I’m sure you’re busy here. I can’t just expect you to be free.” She rambled looking apologetically at Gunn, hoping he understood she really hadn’t meant to get involved more than she should. “And we maybe were supposed to go do something… You should just...not listen to me.” Gunn had been standing staring away from both, but Buffy’s foot-in-mouth problem seemed to be melting his reservations a bit because a smile grew on his face and he took over.

“Come on Annie, Michael’s on for the rest of the day anyway, right? You should come meet the others!” Buffy felt much more relieved than she felt the situation called for and she wasn’t sure what it is. Not screwing up things with Gunn – Angel’s friend and someone she needed to actually like her for the foreseeable future? Or not wanting to part with Anne a third time on some incident that showed how shitty and difficult the world could be.

Anne seemed much more interested now that Gunn had okay’d it. Buffy had no idea the relationship between them, it really wasn’t her business. She was assuming friends and she’d stick with that until something clearly said otherwise.

“If you’re sure.” Anne told Gunn and Buffy made a point to keep her mouth shut.

“Totally. Besides, we need the proper background info on you two.” He gestured towards both of them and Buffy thought that might be Gunn’s punished for her shoving her nose between friendships. She’d take it.

“We can do that.” She agreed.

“Alright. I’m gonna say bye.” He told them, heading off to see either his crew or the kids, Buffy guessed.

“Please don’t tell Gunn how I used to feel about vampires.” Anne said, sounding worried.

“I won’t. I promise. I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to make things all weird. You don’t have to come back with us if you don’t want to.”

“No, I’d like to. And it’s really wonderful to see you again, Buffy. I’d like to catch up, and I want to meet Gunn’s friends – he talks about them so much. It’s just…I don’t want to lose his respect. That isn’t exactly a period of my life I’m most proud of.”

“Hey, don’t put yourself down. It wasn’t your fault. And we’ve all done stupid stuff in the past. You got past it, that’s what matters. I don’t think he’d hold it against you for a second, but I promise not to make you find out. I won’t say anything. Angel was around for that time but he won’t say anything either.”

“Thanks.” Anne said with a shy, grateful smile.

“From my side? Anything you want to talk about of that summer is fine to mention in front of the others.” Buffy told her.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I…” Buffy thought about it. It wasn’t something she had pictured herself being okay with. It wasn’t a summer she wanted to talk about, with anybody, even Angel, instead wanting to shut it up in a box and only take out when she was feeling most self-punishing. But things felt different now. “Yeah, I’m sure. It might make for an awkward moment or two,” Buffy partially joked. “But it’ll be fine.” she reassured her.

“Yo, we ready to go?” Gunn called them. Anne went to get her coat and bag, the three of them then leaving back to the Hyperion. Buffy hadn’t gotten the physical work out she’d wanted, but she had found a distraction, for sure.

\-----

Angel looked up as the three of them entered the Hyperion a few hours later. She saw him assess the fact that she and Gunn had brought someone back with them. He made his way over to them.

“Hi.” He greeted them, looking at Buffy for direction.

“Angel, man,” Gunn stepped up. “This is Anne.”

“You have the shelter.” Angel summarised.

“Yeah, I’m Gunn’s friend.” Anne set her loyalties and Buffy kind of admired her for it.

“Nice to meet you.” He told Anne. Anne’s eyes swept towards Buffy.

“And uh, I know…” Anne trailed off, giving Buffy the moment for how she wanted to deal with it.

“I also know Anne.” Angel’s eyes tightened just slightly in thought, trying to get ahead and figure out how. She wondered if he was thinking if they knew each other from school in LA, at Hemery, or something in her life pre-slayer. “We met the summer I came to LA.” He didn’t react further and Buffy realised how much it sucked she actually had to clarify which summer she was referring to: the summer of the Master or the summer of him. God, her life. “After…after you.” She said a little quieter. Angel didn’t look offended in any way. It wasn’t really his style anyway, but she didn’t want to upset him. But he just seemed to be thinking still.

“Gunn tells me your place has been doing well.” Angel said to Anne, starting a conversation with her about her shelter. It was the first time Buffy had really seen him take lead as the person in charge as opposed to the fighter. He walked Anne and Gunn through the lobby towards the others. His hand brushed Buffy’s back at they moved. She knew it was on purpose and his way of trying to reassure her but still give her space. Honestly, she felt fine. Maybe under pretty much any other circumstances coming face to face with her summer of killing Angel, she would have freaked out a bit. But she was here in LA, with Angel, with them looking at the potential of actually getting to be together, and happy together. She was fine. She caught up with them on the other side of the room, coming up to Angel and slipping her hand into his. The brush of his thumb over the back of her hand and the quick eye contact he made with her was enough. She watched as Gunn introduced his friend to his co-workers, a big smile on his face.

“So, we eatin’ out tonight or what?” he suggested. 

\-----

They had all been hanging around the lobby for a while now, introductions fully made and stories being swapped. Buffy’s and Anne’s was currently the one getting attention. They’d both omitted certain details of the Sunnydale meeting, simplifying it to Buffy having saved Anne from vampires one night. Angel was at Buffy’s side and she wasn’t sure if he better, but she wasn’t worried about him saying anything in front of the others either way. 

“Damn Anne, had no idea you’d been to a hell dimension. How did I not know that?” Gunn exclaimed.

“Wait a minute!” Cordelia got in “Are you telling me that the two of you,” she pointed at Buffy and Angel “were in hell dimensions at the same time? That’s just… God, you two!”

“I don’t think it was quite the same kind of place, Cordelia.” Buffy said looking down and trying to clamp down the embers of grieve that were threatening to light within her.

“It’s a hell dimension. Demons and torture? What’s the diff.” Cordelia replied in her tactless way.

“Cordelia.” Buffy heard Wesley warn quietly, but she wasn’t really paying attention. Buffy had spent a day in that dimension, and hadn’t been subjected to any torture. She’d been trapped, but not terrorised. All she could see in her mind was how Angel had been when he'd come back. Feral. Scared. Weak. He’d been terrorised, so much so that he lost himself. Hundreds of years, of torture. She felt like she was back in the school library with Giles, talking about what kind of person could possibly survive such a thing.

A hand was on hers then, blanketing hers. Angel. He was staring at her with concern.

“I’m here, I’m right here, Buffy.” He reassured her. She stared back at him, her eyes tracing over his face. His cheekbones, his lips, his eyes. Buffy didn’t think “soulful eyes” had ever been more appropriate, because looking into Angel’s eyes she could see his soul. Warm and kind, and guilty. He was here, and she was here with him. Wasn’t this what she had been reminding herself of all day since coming across Anne again? Telling herself that she was okay, that he was okay. Something that few could ever have survived – Angel had survived. Had somehow come back. What had Giles said in the library the morning he'd found her looking for information of Acathla's dimension? Someone of extraordinary will and strength of character. Someone capable of responding to reason, and to love. That was Angel, that was how he’d survived. She wanted to apologise. She wanted to tell him she loved him, that she was so sorry and she loved him so much. But the people she could see in her in her sideline weren’t the people she wanted to say it to or in front of. This wasn’t the right time. She swallowed it, took a breath and turned back towards the others with an embarrassed half smile.

“This would be one of those awkward moments I warned about.” She told Anne as she shifted, trying to lighten the mood as much as was able.

“Pft!” tutted Cordelia. “That’s nothing. Wait till Angel’s butchering power ballads later tonight. Now that’s awkward!”

Buffy stared, pulled from the misery that'd been whirling inside. “I'm sorry, _what_!?”

“Aw Angel, again? Do you guys have to scare Anne with your total complete lack of cool so soon?” Gunn complained, looking completely put out.

“Could both of you shut up?” Angel hissed at them, clearly avoiding looking at Buffy.

“Power ballads?” she asked him. Angel gave a dramatic sigh.

“There’s another lead I’m thinking of checking for the spell.” He said.

“A power ballad lead?” she asked incredulously.

“Angel sings. Well, Angel _tries_ to sing.” Cordelia said, giving absolutely help at all.

“Buffy, there’s a demon we are on friendly terms with, he owns a demon bar establishment –” Wesley started.

“Karaoke demon bar establishment! Cuz beer just ain’t enough fun by itself apparently.” Gunn said, getting a scowl from Wesley for his trouble.

“He’s an empath demon. He can read auras.” Wesley addressed her again.

“Tara can do that!” Buffy chirped.

“The Wiccan friend of yours? Oh my, that’s a unique skill for a human to possess! How interesting. Are you at all aware of her genealogical history?” Wesley asked her.

“Do you think you could actually finish one thought before you go getting all super fascinated by another thing?” Cordelia accused him, receiving a glare similar to the one Gunn had. 

“And I suppose you think your attention span is one of discipline?” he answered back.

Buffy saw Anne’s eyes go back and forth between the them like a tennis match. When she turned to Angel he had his head lowered and was rubbing at his temple with his thumb and middle finger.

“Singing?” she asked Angel as Cordelia and Wesley bickered. He gave another sigh. 

“Lorne – the friend who owns the bar. He can read souls, aspects of your future…when you sing.”

“…singing is baring your soul kind of thing?” Angel shrugged. “ _Can_ you sing?” she asked him. This was kind of hilarious. Angel singing!

“Buffy,” Angel looked so uncomfortable. He was shifting and avoiding eye contact. Buffy bit her lip to try to keep from laughing, but he noticed, frowning at her. “Can we not, please?”

“I’m sorry. I promise to love you no matter how terrible you are.” She smiled at him. “So, are power ballads a requirement or your own personal choice?” Angel groaned, making her giggle.

\-----

Buffy and Angel had gone upstairs to get changed for a work out before they all went out later. It was Buffy’s suggestion. She hadn’t had the fight she’d expected with Gunn’s group and this would be her third night without a patrol. With how emotional and worked up she’d been since she’d arriving, she was going a little stir crazy. Angel agreed. The others were still downstairs. Anne had agreed to come with them to the karaoke bar, Gunn and Cordelia having convinced her like it would be a good night out; drinks and karaoke, downplaying the whole demon part. Buffy wasn’t sure what Anne’s experiences of the supernatural were outside of the Sunnydale and that one summer, but she figured she’d leave it to Gunn. She wasn’t even sure if Anne knew Angel was a vampire. It hadn’t specifically come up earlier.

She was sitting on Angel’s bed already changed into the borrowed, still-too-big-but-miles-better-than-Angel’s-clothes outfit from Cordelia.

“How do you feel about me driving back to Sunnydale with you tomorrow?” he asked as he put his vest on.

“To do the spell?” she held her breath.

“As long as Lorne confirms everything, yes.” He said still with an edge of caution.

Buffy jumped up and near enough tackled him, throwing her body against him, her arms around his neck. He caught her and took her weight, his arms wrapping securely across the base of her back. “I was really hoping you’d do that. That you’d come back with me, I mean.” She said into his neck. He gripped her tighter but didn’t say anything for a few moments. She was starting to think about how her body felt pressed against hers when he broke the silence with something she wasn’t expecting.

“She took your middle name.” he said and she wondered when he’d figured it out and how long he’d been wanting to ask her about it. She lowered herself back to the ground but didn’t step away from him.

“It’s what I used here. I didn’t want anybody to find me.” She told him.

“Buffy,” he did that Angel thing of pausing and taking an unnecessary breath before he started to give warnings or sensible caution, or trying to talk about something uncomfortable. Sometimes it felt like the voicing of her name beforehand was his way of gearing up, of giving him strength for whatever he had to talk about. Like it was his preparation. And the pause was like he took the time to soak in her name, in whatever peace it gave him. All from one word. Angel may have always been cryptic to her, reserved in his emotion, still and smooth in his physicality, but he had never been quiet as a presence, ever. Even silent, his entire being and what he did – or didn’t do – how he moved – or didn’t move, always said so much to her.

“We don’t have to talk about it, Angel.” She assured him softly. He turned to look at her, his eyes trailing over her face.

“Do you need to? Or want to?” he asked her and she was so grateful. Angel always listened, and never forgot anything she showed of herself. That he was trying so much, was trying to allow her any vulnerability she may have, to help soothe any worries she kept, meant so much. She wanted to return his care of her, she wanted to give him the same kind of love. She’d always wanted to take care of him too.

“Do _you_?” she asked him.

He turned away looking thoughtful. “Not tonight.” He told her. She felt the same. They may not have had the others witnessing anymore but it still really wasn’t the right time. She just wanted to enjoy the victory of him coming back to Sunnydale with her. 

“Gonna let me kick your ass then?” she said happily.

“I just might.” He smirked at her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lorne is maybe a little more later seasons Lorne, in terms of familiarity with the others.

It had been a long time since she felt so free, so equalled, so understood. The last time she felt this way she was sure was the last time she was sparring with Angel. She had tried to train with Riley, but she had to hold back so much. Not just physically but her emotional reaction too; she had to be watchful of him, careful of herself. With Angel, it was so natural. She didn’t have to think, she could just react and enjoy it. He matched her. He was even better than he used to be and she loved it. He’d always been so graceful in his fighting, so quick and with so much power, but there was something unleashed now, somehow. Something a little more aggressive. Like he’d truly accepted what he could do and was prepared to show it. Every kick, every spin – he even did a flip – got her blood pumped more and more. He also was sneakier than he used to be, she discovered as her body crashed down on the mat he’d placed on the basement ground for them, him smirking down at her.

“That’s cheating.” She accused. 

“That? Oh that wasn’t cheating.” He leered at her. Suddenly she was flipped over onto her stomach, his hands quickly pulling hers behind her back and pinning them with one of his own. He slid his body over hers, his breath on her neck. Then she felt his lips over the scar on her neck. Her face was pressed side on against the mat, his own in her eyeline as he nuzzled over her neck. She started breathing heavier than she had their entire workout. She could feel everything of him. She wanted him to pull her up on her hands and knees, yank her upper body back against his. She arched her neck for him and he nipped at her with blunt teeth. “Angel.” She moaned and then he was gone, her hands released and she was lying on the mat by herself, almost panting.

When she saw his hand held out to help her up, she wondered if maybe he’d gone further than originally planned as opposed to intentionally teasing her to an intended point. Looking at him he looked a lot more frustrated than the victory entitled him to. She took his hand and made her way to her feet.

“Your tactics got dirty.” She said with a mock pout.

“Must be your influence.” He told her with a smile small and she was so relieved he wasn’t taking steps back from her and putting distance between them. She ran her hand up his chest. “I missed seeing you fight.” He said.

“Well when we get back to Sunnydale I promise to pummel on a vamp just so you can watch.” She teased.

“Looking forward to it.” He said, leaning down to kiss her. It was slower than the tension of before called for, but she just enjoyed it, enjoyed being able to kiss him again. She gave him another peck after their lips separated, before stepping back.

“That was good, I need that.” She said stretching her body. She saw his eyes darken even more as he watched her and she wanted to giggle, but figured she’d save them both. “So where are you taking me for dinner?” she asked. 

“Wherever you all decide.” He picked up a towel they’d chucked off to the side earlier and gave it to her. Then he stilled in his movement. “Wait, am I paying for everybody?” he said like it was the worst thing in the world. Now she did giggle, reaching up on her tip-toes to give him another quick kiss.

“Yep!” she chirped at him and headed back upstairs. “Desserts too!” she yelled back down the stairs.

\-----

So it wasn’t exactly a romantic date with Gunn and Anne laughing at whatever they were talking about, Wesley and Cordelia rolling their eyes at each other and the two pairs occasionally switching off as Gunn and Wesley talked and Anne and Cordelia had more girlie conversation, with Buffy joining in where she could and Angel mostly watching everyone, but it was the first time she’d ever been in a restaurant with Angel. And the soft, small smile he had on his face as he watched them all meant everything. He hadn’t touched his pasta and she was pretty sure he’d ordered it knowing he wouldn’t, but he had fed her some of it, from his fork and everything. And there was wine on the table and bread on the side and she just felt so damn happy. This – this was a normal she wanted. A ragtag group of demon fighters taking a break for food, her vampire boyfriend not really partaking in the eating part of it because he was indeed a vampire, and knowing it would all be followed by a demon karaoke bar - it all feeling so damn right anyway.

“You okay?” Angel asked at her side.

“I’m perfect.” She assured him with a smile.

Desserts were laid on the table, with pleased noises made all around. “Now that’s what I call a meringue!” Cordelia exclaimed, reacting to the raspberries, blueberries, blackberries and cream that artfully topped the massive and perfectly formed meringues in front of her.

“Mmm, chocolate.” Buffy said of her own. She held out her fork with some chocolate fudge cake for Angel. He swallowed the mouthful and then reached over and kissed the crumbs and chocolate filling from her lips, licking his own afterwards.

“I could get used to chocolate.” He told her with his lip curled in the start of a smirk.

“People are eating here!” Cordelia scolded them. They sat back in their seats but kept smiling at each other. 

“Aww, they’re cute though.” Anne defended them.

“So weird.” Gunn commented.

“This tiramisu is delightful!” added Wesley. Buffy and Angel shared another smile, one of amusement, in response.

\-----

They walked to Caritas holding hands. For such a not-date, it hit a lot of date wants for Buffy. Though, she supposed she would be happy with any kind of public outing with Angel. She always had been. Walks and making out in cemeteries had been fine with her. More than fine.

Bright. That was her first impression of The Host, Lorne. If it wasn’t his suit it was his face, if it wasn’t his shirt it was his drink. So much colour. He was amazing. And so friendly.

“Oh my! The Slayer! Oh sweetie, am I excited to meet you! Big Champ here finally listened to his heart, huh?” he gestured towards Angel who in turned looked away a little embarrassed. 

“Nice to meet you too! I like your bar! Can I drink?” she asked hopefully, giving her best wide-eyed and hopeful look.

“Sure! You take on the responsibility of saving the world, I think you can handle a little cocktail.” He nudged her. “Ricardo! Hit me up another seabreeze, would you doll?” he called to the bartender. Buffy followed him and Angel happily to the table the others had settled themselves at, a table centre-left of the floor. A demon Buffy didn’t recognise was on stage singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Badly.

“Oh he’s a trier.” Lorne commented, studying the singing demon.

“Are you reading him?” Buffy asked curious about how the whole reading of the soul thing worked.

“Like a leaflet.” He replied. Buffy kept her giggle in. “Oh, make that a flyer.” He said distressed and Buffy let out her giggle at that. Then let out an “ooh!” as a seabreeze was placed in front of her, joining the drinks the others had gotten when Angel had been introducing Buffy to Lorne.

Sipping her drink, Buffy looked over at Anne for the first time. Her eyes were wide, and worried, and she looked around the bar. It was kind of surreal even for her and she had seen so much supernatural nuttiness, so she couldn’t imagine how Anne felt. Gunn was whispering at her though and she laughed before taking a small mouthful of her wine, so Buffy figured everything was okay.

She clapped politely along with the rest of the audience as the demon finished up on stage. Angel started to fidget then.

“Oh no you don’t Angelcakes.” Lorne said. “No vampire with a soul shall be serenading my guests tonight.”

“But Lorne! I need to know –“ Angel protested.

“And you will. But we can have our own special fun backstage tonight. Your slayer doesn’t need to hear your love for Mandy.” The green-skinned demon replied. Angel looked half relieved and half offended.

“Angel doesn’t have to sing? In front of us anyway. Yes!” Cordelia said excitedly.

“There is a god!” Gunn praised.

“Yes, thank you.” Wesley added. Buffy and Anne stayed quiet but both looked amused.

“Hey!” exclaimed Angel.

“Now, Angel. This has been a lovely evening. No use ruining it. You’ll get your answers for the spell and we’ll get to keep our ears. It’s the best, practical solution all round” Wesley tried to reason.

“Yeah, plus Buffy won’t have to be scarred for life. I'm not sure even your forever love could survive that horror.” Cordelia said. Gunn nodded in full support.

“Listen to your friends, Champ.” The host told Angel. Angel’s frown was in full force now. 

“It’s okay honey. You can serenade me later if you want.” Buffy tried to soothe. Angel seemed to think it over and then seemed to decide he was happy to sing to Lorne privately after all. Angel lead The Host to a door at the back of the room as if he was the owner and not Lorne.

Buffy went back to sipping her seabreeze as another demon took to the stage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just couldn't do it, I couldn't have Angel sing in front of Buffy. That's not an experience you can take back lol.


	9. Chapter 9

Buffy was “whoohoo!”ing her support at the current Britney rendition happening on stage. She didn’t know what most of the demons in here were. Giles would be so disappointed. She was half way through her second seabreeze, trying not to think about the fact that Angel was a matter of feet away presumably getting an answer on if they could be together or not. If she was going to cause Angel to lose his soul again. If she could actually be with him, share a life with him. If he could even be in her life. If she could do things like this and not just a random on off. And if in return Angel could sit at the magic shop and The Bronze with the people in her life, sharing her life too. It could all be over before they even left this bar. Sip, sip, sip.

“Uh, Buffy, are you quite alright with that?” Wesley asked her, gesturing to her drink she had nearly finished.

“Hm? Oh, feelin’ perky, Wes, thanks!”

“I meant, uh –“

“Relax, Wes. Slayer metabolism. No long-term drunky for Buffy…unless it’s interfered with and/or of the magical, demon variety.”

“Demon alcohol?” he pipped.

“Long story. One I am _not_ going to tell.” She said forcefully as Wesley looked like he was going to ask further. Like she was going to tell them of Cavewoman, Beer Buffy. Pft! Wesley made a little disappointed face. God, now she was imaging how she would have reacted around them being like that. More specifically, around Angel. Buffy gave another “whoohoo!” to the participant on stage as they hit the chorus. A couple of others joined Buffy in their praise. She remembered when she used to think demon automatically equalled bad, automatically equalled no soul. She figured maybe it was a Hellmouth thing. The demons in this room where just living their lives. Most demons that came to Sunnydale did so because of the power of the Hellmouth and in her experience, interest in the Hellmouth meant evil intentions. They were the ones attracted to the want of ruin and destruction. The demons in here where singing Britney Spears. So not the same thing. She’d maybe talk to Giles about it, see what he thought. She wondered what Giles was going to think tomorrow when she and Angel made went back to Sunnydale. When he and Angel were actually in a room together… Ugh, even her thoughts of distraction were ones she wanted to be distracted from. She looked over to where Angel and Lorne had gone. What was taking so long?

“I can’t imagine they’ll be much longer now.” Wesley commented comfortingly and Buffy realised how observant he was being. Cordelia, Gunn and Anne weren’t paying attention to either of them. Buffy supposed it was the Watcher training.

“And he’ll…know? Lorne, I mean. He’ll really be able to tell how the spell is going to work out?” Buffy asked him.

“Should be able to, yes. Our experience with him – he has been exceptionally helpful in direction and how to steer towards a specific possible outcome.”

Buffy was saved having to come up with a response when Wesley added “Ah, there they are now.” She turned to see Angel and Lorne walking back towards them, Lorne leading. He looked…well he looked how he’d looked all night. Bright, friendly, not a care in the world. He still had a drink in his hand. Angel…was he always that pale? He wasn’t smiling. Oh god. What did that mean? She found herself standing up without even meaning to.

“The love for Manilow that guy has, honestly.” Was the first thing Lorne said when they reached the table.

“Well?” Buffy asked. Angel just stared at her, finally coming to stand next to her. He was looking up at her. Eyes trailed down her body and back up again and his lips lifted in amusement. “Angel?”

“What are you doing?” he asked her.

“What? Did you get an answer?”

“Buffy.” He said as he stepped closer, his arms going around her waist and it was only then she realised she was taller than him. She’d somehow climbed onto her seat and was standing up on it, like she had an announcement to make to the whole room. Oh god. She blushed and turned to try and get down but Angel held her. Even standing on a chair, she wasn’t totally towering over him. She figured they’d just about switched places from their usual height differences.

“Can we be together?” she asked him.

“You two will be at it like rabbits in no time, cupcake!” she heard Lorne say. She turned her head to look at him. “Really?” then asked Angel the same question when she turned back to face him. He nodded just once, his closed lips cracked and then he smiled up at her. His eyes lowered for a second as he tried to control his smile, but Buffy could see it. She leaned down to kiss him before the smile could totally be reclaimed. Then she just rested against him. She couldn’t believe this was happening. So many times she’d dream somehow something would happen that could help them, could make it better. A cure would be found, they’d be rewarded somehow, that something somewhere would make it right. She had never imagined it would play out in a demon karaoke bar as she stood on a chair in front of an audience and quietly kissed the man she loved in celebration.  
His arms tightened around her, finding grip and then she was lifted off the chair and placed back on the floor.

“So good news then?” Cordelia asked with a grin. “No Angelus and we didn’t even have to hear Angel sing to get it! This is a good night!” Buffy just continued staring at Angel. They were sitting down again. She hadn’t noticed that happen either.

“Another round in celebration?” Wesley asked as he and Gunn got up to head to the bar. Buffy turned away from Angel for the first time and noticed in the bar nobody seemed to be interested in them, thankfully. A different demon was on stage now and seemed to hold their attention. She gripped Angel’s hand, trying to anchor herself. She was finally actually going to get to be with him. 

“Are you okay?” Angel asked her, whispering in her ear.

“Okay? I’m so much more than okay! God, Angel!” she swallowed back her tears and just looked at him. He was smiling a small smile back at her. She brought her other hand to his face, resting it against his cheek and then trailed her fingertips along his lips. He took her hand in his and kissed her palm. 

“Angel.” She breathed, unable to communicate what she wanted, how she felt.

“I love you.” He told her.

“I love you” she returned. 

Drinks were put on the table as Wesley and Gunn sat back down, another seabreaze for her, and a glass of water. She figured that was from Wesley. She noticed Angel didn’t have a drink. 

“You’re not drinking?” she asked him. He chuckled.

“Buffy, I’ve spent two days with you and have just been informed that I can be with you, properly, in a matter of days. I need to hold onto as much control as I can right now.”

“Oh.” she responded. She hadn’t really thought…well, she had, she’d mentioned it to Willow in their conversation. But she hadn’t really thought about how it would be for him, all the time. She felt so happy. And the confirmation they’d gotten? She could be on stage singing at this point! So for him to have to clamp that down. “Sorry.” She told him.

“Don’t.” he said strongly. “Enjoy it. I like seeing you enjoy it. I just need a couple days before I can enjoy it like I want to, that’s all.” He told her with a gentle smile. So many Angel smiles. Such a gift. She leaned against him and he put his arm around her. She settled against him.

\-----

“Wesley?”

“Ye-es?” he answered distractedly, bent over a book. She’d seen him interact with books more than anything else since she’d been here. She’d left Angel upstairs to get changed. She was looking forward to getting back to Sunnydale where her wardrobe lived. She’d happily have spent day after day in Angel’s shirts and sweaters if it weren’t for the pesky problem of having to go outside of his room. They’d been back for about a half an hour. The others had one home from Caritas but Wesley had wanted to check something apparently. She didn’t know if it was to do with Willow’s spell of if it was just Wesley being Wesley.

“Can I ask you something?” at that he straightened up, dismissing the book and the magnifying glass and gave her his full attention. Buffy felt a wave of appreciation for him in that moment that she never had before. From his awareness of her earlier when she’d been fretting at the bar to his attentiveness now, she was staring to find some real fondness for her ex Watcher.

“Certainly. What can I help with?” he asked her

“Angel…Angel told me that Faith…tortured you.” She said hesitantly and apologetically, for what had had happened to him, and for his friend having told her about it.

“Yes, Faith did inflict…” he swallowed “before her breakthrough, yes. What about it?”

“How did you forgive her?” she asked bluntly.

“Why do you assume I have?” he said with an unsure tilt of the head.

“Do you hate her?”

“No.”

“Resent her potential for a second chance?”

“No…”

“Then that – whatever that is, acceptance of her or whatever it is – how did you get to that?” she said irritable and impatient at the semantics.

“Buffy, I would suggest discussing any concerns you have about Faith with Angel.” He answered uncomfortably.

“It’s not about Faith. It’s not even about me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Giles…” she tried again. “When Angel lost his soul, he…hurt, Giles.” Wesley blinked at her, his brow furrowed. “Giles doesn’t…”

“Doesn’t forgive Angel?” he finished for her.

“Yeah.” She said quietly. Reality of Giles had been pushing its way into her head through the night. She was starting to get nervous about how he’d react. She didn’t want him to be disappointed in her, but she knew it didn’t matter what he said to her, she wouldn’t not choose Angel. In some ways, that made her feel worse. She was never getting that Slayer handbook. 

“Ah.” He paused for a moment. “Buffy, may I ask, who it is you feel requires the forgiveness here?” Buffy thought he might be referring to her own self-blame at having been the cause of the loss of Angel’s soul, and she wasn’t quite ready for that conversation with Wesley Wyndam Price.

“What do you mean?” she hedged.

“Can I offer you some advice? And I don’t mean to insult you here.”

“Which means you probably will.” She replied flippantly. He smiled a little at that but continued.

“Do you believe Giles is hampered by his lack of forgiveness? That is restricts his life?”

“No.” she answered.

“And Angel?”

“He doesn’t deserve to be so punished for it still.” she argued.

“Buffy, guilt is a feeling Angel is quite familiar with.” Buffy frowned at him, but let him carry on. “But so is love.”

“Huh?” she really didn’t know where he was going with this.

“Angel killed Jenny Calendar.”

“It wasn’t his fault.” She defended him, always so quick to defend him. She would champion him, always – she was still getting used to the idea that others would maybe champion him too now. Wesley seemed to understand, smiling softly and somewhat indulgently at her.

“I’m not sure that’s the point.” He said patiently. 

“Then what is?”

Wesley seemed to think his approach. “I gather you and Angel may imagine that no one in the world has ever loved another as the two of you do,” Wesley paused here, his face turning away as he stared ahead at nothing. It was the most Watcher-like face she’d ever seen on him. He looked like a scholar; reason and theory running through his mind. “Which,” he continued, “given the circumstances of your story, may have a certain merit to it.” He finished his new thought, before turning back to her and getting back on track with his first, quickly looking down at the books in front of him to seemingly to refocus himself, his eyes then back on her “But uh, if it had been you in Giles’ Ms. Calendar’s position, how do you think Angel would have reacted? Do you think it would matter the why or the how, more than the fact itself that you were gone and someone had taken you from him?”

“Oh.” Buffy said. She lowered herself down to a seat as thoughts whirled in her head. No, it wouldn’t matter. Angel, for how good and how much he believed in second chances, no, she didn’t believe it would matter who or what – he would never forgive that person. And she understood it, because she was the same. She knew especially because she had never, and could never forgive herself for the twice that she had condemned Angel herself. It didn’t matter if it was a first night of love, or if it was to save the world – she would never forgive it. She couldn’t.

“I don’t believe it’s something Angel expects forgiveness for, Buffy.” He told her gently. “I think that is one he understands too much to.”

“It’s selfish of me.” She admitted. “I want it to be easier, between them, for me.”

“I believe it’s more than that, Buffy, but even if that were the motivation – I think that’s an understandable one. You want the people you love to get along. That’s not an unreasonable want, from anyone, and especially not one from someone such as Angel and yourself, who have given and endured as much as you both have.”

Buffy stayed quiet, her eyes staring at nothing on the floor. It was the second time someone had told her that she and Angel had earned the right to be selfish, and that it was okay. Buffy had always thought Wesley was Angel’s Giles’ equivalent; it was an obvious opinion to settle on, watchers and all. But talking to him now she realised he was really more like her Willow: the smart, kind and sometimes goofy best friend, who understands and supports, both in and outside of the rest of the group.

“If you and Angel proceed with your continuing your relationship, as I’m sure you both will, I should think Angel and Mr. Giles simply having to co-exist again may change the dynamics naturally, anyway.” Wesley told her, filling in Buffy’s silence.

“You think so?”

“It stands to reason. Either way, it isn’t something I feel you need to concern yourself with too much, Buffy. In this case, I think everything may just turn out alright in the end.”

“Thanks, Wesley,” she said a little choked up, sniffling. He looked a little uncomfortably at her emotional display but he smiled softly at her anyway. She cleared her throat. “I think maybe you would have been an okay watcher to have.” She offered. Wesley laughed.

“Ah, no. That is sweet of you to say but I’m quite aware of my inadequacies there. If anything has shaped me into something worthwhile in that sense it is my experiences with you, and my experiences with Angel.”

“Maybe you’ve created a whole new kind of watcher role. One for a champion of the powers.” She smiled at him and Wesley took it in his stride, but it seemed to have at least some effect on him – his head bowed. She took it a step further “You’re better than the council, Wesley.” That one seemed to really hit its mark – she could see him blinking rapidly – and she was thankful for it.

\-----

When Buffy went upstairs to Angel’s room, she found him asleep. She never found Angel asleep. He was too aware, and never let himself lose enough control. She knew he was tired. It had only been a couple of days and nights but she was so exhausted. It had been so emotional being here. A cleansing, almost. She was pleasantly numbed. He’d held himself together better than she had, and she suspected he hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. He would be tired. And after getting Lorne’s confirmation, she figured maybe it was the first time he felt he could relax some now. But as she dropped her clothes on the chair, donned her vampire boyfriend's shirt and slid under the covers with Angel, she hoped it also meant that in the small amount of time she’d been here, he had carved a place for her that he didn’t have to be on the offensive about, that he didn’t have to watch for and be careful with. And even more than that, she hoped her presence was turning into something normal for him. That her being in his bedroom wasn’t something out of the ordinary he was aware of as soon as it showed itself. But that it was normal, their kind of normal.

When she curled up beside him and his arm automatically wrapped around her, burying his nose in her neck and pulling her tightly against him, into him, she thought she might have had her hope shown for reality. He was still aware of her, but he didn’t have to pull himself out of his dreams to interact with her, to see her, to be with her. Getting everything she’d ever wanted was so close.


	10. Chapter 10

Buffy woke up to Angel wide awake and watching her again. Back to normal, she supposed. It made her regret not taking the opportunity to watch him last night. What if she didn’t get another chance to see him so relaxed? Then she remembered that soon enough he’d be able to truly relax, bringing a smile to her face as she cuddled into Angel. They didn’t say anything, Angel just pressing a kiss to her temple.

\-----

After finally getting up and showered they spent most of the day chilling out, waiting for the sun to set so they could leave for Sunnydale. There had been bagels downstairs, brought by Gunn and the others spent their day doing what Buffy figured they did when there was no major evil brewing. It felt both calm and settled, but also alive and animated and once again she’d found herself grateful that Angel was part of something so good. She wanted him to part of humanity. He deserved it. And she couldn’t always be it for him, no matter how much sometimes she just wanted to run away with him and just be. But she loved her friends, didn’t know what she’d do without Giles and even college was something she thought she might almost need. Angel may not have had her inner conflict about trying to still have a social life as a slayer, but he did have plenty of his own inner conflict, so much of it circling around people and his place with them. And this – the life this group had made in this hotel, in this city, was so important. It hurt to admit because on some aspect it meant he had been right to leave her, but she thought Angel found exactly what he was supposed to find. She didn’t doubt he loved her, but she was still slightly concerned about finding her place in his new life. She liked all the people he’d surrounded himself with (or whom had surrounded Angel, no matter if he wanted it or not, she thought was a smile) and she really didn’t want to unsettle any of it. But she also wanted to be Angel’s other half, properly. What if he came back to Sunnydale and realised he’d moved past it all, onto bigger and brighter things – bright likes, big city and everything.

\-----

She was sitting on his bed watching him pack a bag now. 2 sweaters, 3 t-shirts, a shirt. Just one shirt?

“So uhm, how long exactly are you packing for?” she asked as he bought a bunch of socks in the bag. He stopped what he was doing and looked at her. He leaned over and kissed her lips. She tried to deepen it but he stepped back with a smile. “That’s not an answer.” She told him with a pout.

“No? I thought it was a pretty good answer.” He curled his lip up in that half smile of his.

“Okay, so maybe it was a good answer, but it wasn’t the only answer I was looking for. You know, one with words, where your lips move and sound comes out your mouth.” He stared at her again and it took Buffy a second to realise exactly what she’d said. She wasn’t used to Angel actually bringing attention to any innuendo or double-meaning things she accidently said. She blushed.

“I’m not sure how long I’ll be in Sunnydale for.” He finally answered. “Wes and Gunn can handle things here, even if Cordelia gets a vision. But I don’t want to put a definite either way.” She watched him finally put the last of his clothes in the duffle bag next to her and zip it closed. “But I’m with you, okay?”

“Okay.” She replied with a soft smile. “I’m keeping this by the way.” She gestured to the black sweater of his she was wearing.

“It looks much better on you anyway.” He complimented and she was reminded of when he gave her his leather jacket. God, that seemed like so long ago. She’d been smitten already. More than, totally knocked off her feet with him making an appearance in her every thought, both awake and asleep. She never could have predicted everything that had happened since then, but she’d known he was something. That he’d made this dramatic entrance into her life and it was never going to be the same again, that she would never be the same again.

“We can leave in about an hour.” He told her.

\-----

They spent that hour with the others downstairs and it was the strangest feeling. She was so aware of a countdown but it felt like she was running out of time just as much as she was trying to pass the time. Things had been easy in LA, they might not be back in Sunnydale. Giles, Xander, her mom. They weren’t going to good-naturedly make fun of Angel and then take them out to dinner and have drinks at a demon karaoke bar. She didn’t think she’d even get a Coke at Willie’s. They wouldn’t approve. Add in any problems Spike might feel like starting and god, even Riley still being in Sunnydale and she was just…worried. But then Angel was brushing his thumb against the back of her hand and she couldn’t help the soothing it had. It went right through her. If she had him…she could do it. It was how she’d always felt. It was when he was gone that she crumbled. It might not be the healthiest thing, to put him so above others and for him to have such an effect on her, but she didn’t have the healthiest life anyway. She couldn’t. She was a slayer. She had accepted that and exactly what it meant. Everybody else needed to now, including the man next to her.

“I’ll try not to have any skull-crushing visions while you’re gone!” Cordelia said brightly as they were saying goodbye. This also felt weird. She couldn’t be sure but she didn’t think there was typically much of big goodbyes for things just over a matter of days, but everyone had gathered like it was a significant deal. 

“I never even got to see your moves.” Gunn said with that charming smile. It quickly disappearing told Buffy that Angel was probably glaring at him.

“Next time, I promise.” She told him.

“If Broody here lets you out of his sights.” Gunn joked, raising his eyes at his boss standing at her right.

“He’s be the one I’ll be demonstrating on.” She said cheekily and she avoided turning her head towards Angel in case she was also on the receiving end of his glare.

“Why does it feel like I’m being ganged up on?” Angel said a little pathetically.

“Poor vampire.” Buffy pouted at him. 

“Exactly, vampire. An old one! I could be a master vampire you know…if I wanted to.” he lectured them.

“Oh god. Can you two get going before he starts sulking please? It’s worse than the brooding.” Cordelia said with a roll of her eyes.

“We’ll keep things in order while you’re in Sunnydale.” Wesley moved the conversation on.

“Call me if you need me.” Angel told him.

“We’ll keep you informed of any developments or new incidents.” He replied. He shook Angel’s hand before he turned to Buffy. “Buffy, it’s been lovely to see you. I hope everything goes well in Sunnydale.”

“Thanks, Wesley. It’s been nice to see you too. LA looks good on you.” She told him, watching him dip his head in embarrassment. She went out on a limb and gave him a quick hug. It was a little awkward, but she did really appreciate his attitude whilst she’d been here. He’d gone out of his way to help and to reassure.

Gunn gave her a quick hug too. It was less awkward and he engulfed her frame more than Wesley had. “Say bye to Anne for me.” She told him.

“Will do.” He nodded at her. “Angel man, hope this spell does its thing!” he and Angel also shook hands, though like her hugs, it was less formal than Wesley and Angel’s.

“If you’re gone more than a week, I want a raise.” Cordelia broke in. “Or at least a bonus.” Buffy saw Angel smile indulgently at her before they hugged and it kind of put her on edge, but then Cordelia was in front of her with her beautiful smile. “Buffy, don’t let Xander or whatever guilt you about this, okay? You guys are like, superheroes. You’re due some happiness.” And Buffy forgot the unsettlement and instead felt a fondness for Cordelia to the point that she thought she was smiling indulgently at her too. If Cordelia Chase could bring some life into Angel’s, Buffy could deal with it. She’d thank her for it, even.

“Thanks, Cordy. And thanks for having me here.” Buffy told her.

“Pft, like there’s any choice when it comes to you two.” She replied and Buffy tried to find the compliment and acceptance she thought might be a couple of layers under the bluntness. The hug she and Cordelia shared was the most warm and familiar of the three she had and it surprised Buffy. She was pretty sure she’d never hugged Cordelia before. She hadn’t thought she ever would in the future. And yet it felt entirely normal. 

They all watched as she and Angel walked towards the door, Angel grabbing his duffle from the seating as they walked past. It really did feel like they’d all come to see him off for some adventure or something. Or something that just meant a lot, she supposed. It was the final showing of their support, their acknowledgement. She waved at them before walking through the door that Angel was holding open for her, standing back and letting her go first.

“You ready?” he asked as he put his duffle in the trunk of his Plymouth and again, opened the passenger door for her. She wasn’t sure if he was asking about the drive, or the next step of them. She wasn’t sure it really mattered because her answer was the same either way.

“I’m ready.” She vowed, settling into the car. She watched him start the car. It was another thing of him she hadn’t seen before, him driving. Something normal, again. Her idea of ‘normal’ was really being shaped these days. There was so many normal things Angel was capable of, could and did to. She’d never really thought about it before. He’d always separated himself from ‘normal’ so much, deliberately, she thought. But she thought there might be a lot of crossover. Way more than others gave him credit for. Way more than he gave himself credit for.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is when it starts to become even more obvious that the timeline really is a non-specified point, potentially with some things mixed, like the dorms. I hope it's not too disjointed.

“Do you mind if we go to my dorm instead of the mansion?” she asked as they past Sunnydale boundary.

“You want to change?” he replied.

“Ugh, so badly. I like yours too, but I missed my clothes!”

\-----

“Will’s probably at Tara’s. Or the library.” Buffy explained as they opened the door to her empty dorm-room.

“Tara’s like Willow.” He stated but it sounded like he wanted confirmation.

“…gay?” she questioned.

“Wiccan.” He explained simply, making Buffy blush. Despite being the reserved guy, Buffy figured Angel was probably the most socially liberal and experienced of anybody she’d known. She doubted much about people would surprise him, or that he’d judge them for it. He probably had seriously adventurous personal experiences himself. She’d made a habit of trying not to think about a very specific type of experience Angel most likely had, particularly in compared to her complete lack of it. Her main source of comfort was that Angel had never made her feel like she was lacking, that she wasn’t living up to what he wanted. She didn’t feel less. Every time she had, every time she’d questioned, he’d always reassured her. Whether it was a Halloween costume, their first time together, watching an erotic movie and knowing she couldn’t really share any of it with him or things with Faith, he had always heard her insecurities and reassured her. He made her feel like she, as she was, was everything he could ever want. And he’d never made her feel silly or childish for questioning it in the first place.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I think she came to it a different way though.” She finally said.

“She’s born into witchcraft.” He stated and questioned again.

“Maybe? I dunno…I probably should listen more.” Buffy frowned, feeling a bit guilty for not showing more interest in Willow’s relationship. Willow had been right along with her for the entirety of her relationship with Angel.

“And they’re happy?”

“Willow and Tara? Yeah. Yeah, definitely happy. They’re kind of cute, actually. I’m glad. I was worried about her for a while. When Oz left…she didn’t handle it that well.” She said not looking at him, not acknowledging the elephant in the room that sentence created.

“Do you know how he is?” apparently Angel wasn’t looking to ignore the elephant and instead wanted to pick it up and feed it.

“I don’t know. Willow might still be in touch with him, I guess.” She rushed out. “Not that he’d deserve it.” She muttered, unable to help herself.

“I doubt it was easy for him, Buffy.” He said. God, were they doing this already? They’d been in Sunnydale city limits for about 10 minutes and this was happening already? LA really had been a vacation. This was reality again.

“He cheated on her. And he left her.” Buffy finally looked him in the eye, challenging him.

“That doesn’t mean he didn’t love her.”

“Oh yeah, funny way of showing it. Getting his wolf on with some wolf girl and breaking Willow’s heart, and then leaving her to deal with it by herself. Real love.” She scoffed.

“He had a part of him he didn’t have complete control of, Buffy. He was trying to protect her from it.” Buffy didn’t say anything, starting to fume instead. “You said Willow was happy, now.” He said quietly.

“I’m not Willow!” she yelled at him.

“And I’m not Oz.” he fired back calmly.

“Then what is the point of this conversation?” she asked.

“I just understand where Oz was coming from.”

“Of course you do.” She said with attitude.

“Buffy,”

“I’m not going to find someone else to be happy with.” She told him.

“Neither am I.”

“Then why are you –”

“Buffy, she’s your best friend. How can we do this is we can’t even talk about your best friend?” he interrupted her.

“Are you giving me an ultimatum now?” she couldn’t help but be difficult.

He looked back at her, looking pained. He closed the small distance between them, took her hands in his and sat her down on her bed. He crouched down in front of her, still holding her hands and it made Buffy think about them in the mansion those months ago when he’d come back to apologise. The moments that had started all of this, allowed for this second chance.

“I’m not giving you an ultimatum. I’m not trying to leave. I’m here, with you.” He cupped her cheek, making her look back at him. “I’m with you.” He repeated. He spoke it like a vow and she tried to feel it.

“So you’re not going to say you have a part of you that you can’t control either?” she questioned.

“It’s different. That part of Oz – that’s still new for him. I’ve been living with a demon in my head for a long time, Buffy. I have control over it. The curse is different again, but we’re here to deal with that.” He ran him thumb over her cheekbone, once, twice, before letting his hand drop back down to her own on her lap. “But I do understand how Oz may have felt. I do think he left because he thought it was best for her.”

“You left because you thought it was best for me.” She stated, hating it.

“Yes.”

“Are you back because you think it might be best for me?” she asked outright. He looked down at their hands, brushed his thumb across the back of her hand.

“I think it’s what you want. And you should decide what you want.” Buffy felt herself tearing up at that. It wasn’t a total win, but god it was a start. “It’s what I want too.” He added, looking back up at her. “And this is okay, Buffy. Not everything can be fixed in just one conversation.”

Buffy pushed herself forward and pressed her lips to his. Untangling their hands she brought one of hers up to his face whilst the other found grip in his hair. She pulled him against her, her hand sliding down to his collar. She kept tugging at him, his body covering hers as she lay back on the bed, taking him with her as his tongue entered her mouth. His hand skimmed down her side, her waist and finally her thigh, encouraging her to lift her leg and wrap it around his waist as he settled into the cradle of her thighs.

“Oh god! Oh, sorry! I’m sorry!” She suddenly heard Willow exclaim. Angel's body was blocking her view. He smoothly lifted himself off her, allowing Buffy to get a look at her roommate. She was actually covering her eyes with her hands, the door wide open behind her. Angel was sitting beside her now, together on her small bed.

“S’okay Will. PG rated; it’s safe to look, I promise.” She told her friend.

“I’m sorry. Hi, Angel. I’m sorry.” Willow replied.

“Hi, Willow. How are you?” Angel replied easily as if she hadn’t just walked in on them.

“Good! I’m good! And you, you’re good too?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty good.” He gave a half smirk.

“I saw! I mean, I didn’t see because there wasn’t anything to see. You were both…I mean, neither of you… You still have your coat on and everything!”

“Willow.” Buffy tried to help her friend.

“Right. Sorry. I just…wasn’t expecting… I didn’t know when you were coming back exactly and I thought you might go to the mansion.” She told them. 

“I wanted to get changed. Which I…still haven’t done.” She said looking down at herself. She pushed herself off the bed and walked towards her closet. Her stomach growled on the way. “Oh, food.”

“You haven’t eaten since the bagels this morning.” Angel said.

“The cafeteria’s closed already. We could go out?” Willow suggested.

“Is there a dorm kitchen you have access to?” the vampire asked.

“Well yeah, but uh, we’re not exactly cooking-abled.” Buffy reasoned. Angel smiled at her.

“I am, at least a little. I’ll make you something while you get changed. Where is it?

“You don’t have to do that.” She said with a big smile on her face.

“Where’s the kitchen?” he asked again.

“You can cook, Angel? But you’re a vampire! I mean, uh, well, you know that.” Willow said.

“It’s become a bit of a traditional that I cook for the team after some tough nights.” He told the redhead.

“Wow.” She replied,

\------

“Angel cooking!” Willow cried. 

“Angel cooking, Angel driving, Angel laughing, Angel keeping less back, Angel out at dinner with a group of people!” Buffy responded.

“Wow. Real people? Plural? It sounds like he’s changed. Well, sort of? Is that good or bad?” Willow asked her as she sat on her own bed.

Buffy changed into some comfy black pants and then grabbed a pink sweater, pulling it over her head.

“Good, I think.” She said. “He’s more relaxed, confident, even. Part of worries he’s moved on without me but…I think it’s okay. He deserves something of his own, anyway. Like I have you guys.”

“That’s true. He’s not exactly been bestest friends with the Scoobs, Xander and everything.”

“Exactly.” Buffy agreed, glad her friend understood her. "And he's definitely still Angel, you know?" She looked over at her. “Where’s Tara?”

“Oh, she has class early and I wanted to go to the Magic Shop tomorrow – try and make sure everything with the spell is ready to go. And I wanted to see if you were coming back here.”

“You didn’t have to wait for me, Will. I would have gotten in touch. Plus, I’m here now; you can spend the night with Tara.”

“S’okay. We’ve been together all weekend and I’ll see her tomorrow afternoon. I wanted her to get some sleep.” Willow smiled sweetly, her eyes bright at the thought of her girlfriend.

Buffy thought about the conversation with Angel before, wondered about what had been for the best. She’d been so against the idea of comparing Willow and Oz with her and Angel because here Willow was, happy, finding new parts of herself, of who she was, and she couldn’t have done it if Oz had stayed. Buffy knew she wasn’t going to be able to move from Angel to another person. She’d tried and failed. But maybe what Angel had found without her, she could still be a part of, now. It wasn’t a new person. Or not a new romantic person, anyway. But his leaving had given him the chance to find something, like Willow had. Maybe the comparison was okay. It didn’t have to come down to romantic love. There was more to it than that. As long as Angel didn’t start reducing it all to a relationship again, she supposed it was okay. It was still too much to admit Angel leaving had been for the better, but from the vantage point of being with Angel again, she could accept something good had come from it. After all, maybe she’d only be able to convince him they should be together after truly seeing it not working apart. Maybe they could appreciate each other in a new way, a grow-up way, after experiencing what it was like without. Maybe it would help the others in her life accept her and Angel too. She had tried. She could honestly say it didn’t work with someone else. It wasn’t just an excuse, it was a truth she had lived.

“I’m happy you’re happy, Willow.” She told her roommate. Willow looked at like she knew she was missing something, but she didn’t push it.

“With the luck of the goddess, you can and Angel will get to be happy really soon too. Really happy.” Willow smiled cheekily, raising her eyebrows. It was such a funny look to see on the innocent redhead that Buffy couldn’t help but laugh.

“Up for some food?” Buffy asked her.

“Definitely! Angel cooking? Something I insist on seeing.” Buffy plucked a hair-tie from her desk and put her hair up as Willow held the door open for them.

\-----

The scene that greeted them when they walked into the dorm’s communal kitchen was pretty surreal and Buffy couldn’t decide if it was a welcomed or unwelcomed sight. Angel was at the stove, stirring something on the hob while two girls sat at the table giggling. His coat was folded over a third chair at the table. For a second walking into The Bronze to find Angel laughing over a coffee with Cordelia flashed through her mind.

“Oh, is one of you Buffy?” one of the two girls directed towards them. 

Buffy raised her hand half way, at the height of her chest. “I’m Buffy.” She said, her eyes going from the girls back to Angel who hadn’t acknowledged her and Willow yet, and back to the two brunettes.

“Hi! I’m Allison, and this is Heather. We’re from the first floor. Your boyfriend mentioned you but I didn’t recognise your name.”

“Oh, uh, well I go home a lot. Home-cooked meals, you know. I’m from Sunnydale. This is Willow.” Buffy said, turning towards her friend who gave a slightly bewildered smile to the whole thing. “She’s from Sunnydale too.” Buffy said.

“I’m kind of jealous! Would be nice to be able to go home sometimes.” Allison replied.

“Totally. Laundry and mom meals? I’d even go back for a hug from my little brother now and again!” added Heather.

“I can tell you that last one isn’t one you’d keep wanting. I have a little sister. I go home thinking it will be nice to see her before she’s back to driving me nuts after 2 minutes.” Buffy said with a small smiled, trying to find some ground in this weird situation. Now both the girls were giggling because of her. Willow was running herself a glass of water, shying away from the whole thing.

“That’s true!” said Heather. “He is a nightmare. Still though, would be nice to get some home comforts.”

“It is a nice perk.” Buffy agreed. “So where are you guys from?” she made her way closer to Angel but he still hadn’t properly acknowledged her. She wasn’t even sure he’d looked her way yet.

“Grand Rapids.”

“San Diego.”

The girls said at the same time, making them giggle again. 

Angel finally turned towards her. He had some scrambled egg on a spoon, presenting her a taste. She took the offer, biting and swallowing the food. 

“Okay? Or do you want them cooked some more?” he asked her.

“No, s’good.” She said staring back at him, still so confused. Then he wiped his thumb against her lips before popping the tip of his thumb into his own mouth. It wasn’t sexual, but it was intimate and casual, easy in a way that suggested they did this all the time. She had seriously domestic visions running through her head again. Then he turned back to the hob, turning his back on her again.

“There’s a party on our floor on Wednesday, Buffy. You and Willow should come. And Angel, of course.” Allison said, taking Buffy’s attention away from Angel again.

“Oh. Uh, maybe. Thanks!” she said with a smile as sincere as she could. They did seem like nice girls. Maybe not understanding Buffy was a slayer and it didn’t really go with dorm parties nice, but sweet all the same. They didn’t seem to be hitting on Angel like she’d figured when she and Willow came in. They just seemed friendly. Plus, even if they had hit on him, he’d apparently mentioned her as they’d known her name.

A text message beeped.

“That’s Ruth, she’s ready.” Heather told Allison. The two girls got up from the table just as Angel served two plates full of eggs and two sets of cutlery. Willow moved from the sink to the table, sitting down at one of the plates with her water. 

“Nice to meet you.” Willow said shyly.

“You too! Remember the party. Starts at 7!” Allison said with a bright smile.

“Thanks for the eggs. We’ll replace them by tomorrow.” Angel aimed at the girls. He finally spoke, the first thing he’d said since they entered the room.

“Sure! No problem. Bye!” Allison replied, Heather smiling at them all as they both left. The scrape of a chair was the only sound left in the room as Angel pulled out a chair.

“Am I asleep? Cuz I know my life fairly well by now and I don’t remember Angel ever making us college friends before. College girlfriends type friends. “ Willow said from her own seat.

“I assumed neither of you had actual food in here.” Angel said.

“No.” Willow confirmed.

“So I asked them.” 

“But it’s so…social!” Willow protested. "You got us invited to a party!" she squeaked.

“I work with Cordelia every day.” He stated, like it explained everything. It kind of did.

“Oh. Yeah, okay, that makes more sense.” Willow took a fork-full of her eggs. “Oh, these are good! Wow. Angel, is there anything you can’t do?”

Buffy watched as her boyfriend smiled at her best friend. “Thanks, Willow.” He said. “Witchcraft I’m not too great at, actually.”

“Good thing we have me then! And Tara! You’ll like her, Angel. She’s not so keen on big crowds either.” The Wicca told the vampire.

“Buffy said she’s a sweet woman. I’m looking forward to meeting her. I’m sure I’ll owe you both plenty of eggs soon enough.”

“Deal!” her friend replied with a happy smile.

They both looked at her and Buffy realised she hadn’t said anything since Heather and Allison had left. She was still standing up! She quickly lowered herself into the chair Angel had pulled out for her and tucked into the eggs, her hungry stomach appreciative. Angel walked towards the stove, grabbed the pan and strode back to the sink, running the tap and washing up. ‘Wow’ Willow mouthed at her exaggeratedly from across the table, making Buffy smile. Wow was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always really loved Willow's totally non-judgemental curiosity about Angel being a vampire, so I wanted to bring that in. I also wanted a parallel of the friend and partner bonding over food, like Buffy had with the LA team, though not so much that Buffy's aware of the similarity.

**Author's Note:**

> This has been my first fic, and I never initially planned on writing so many characters, so I hope I'm able to get their voices at least somewhat. I hope it's not terribly OOC, at least.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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